on Jesus by Sing4Jesus!
9 Sep 2006, 4:25 AM
umm, ok.
on my brother's by joey
9 Sep 2006, 4:20 AM
repost this in "limerick"
on darabuka by skaskowski
9 Sep 2006, 4:01 AM
i liked the recurring "lay low" to begin stanzas. it seems to me that refrain was abandoned far too early in the poem, which turns into a loose stream-of-consciousness type rant without a focal point. this seems to be going somewhere good, but right now there's just no focus.
on Products of Pacifisim by Nuit
9 Sep 2006, 3:37 AM
i like the sentiment a lot, and i agree with the main points. But somehow the poem itself really doesn't move me. needs some sort of concrete imagery to give the invective grounding. worry not though, this is just one lunatic's opinion.
on Exposing Anne Frank by Caducus
9 Sep 2006, 3:31 AM
clever! very tight writing and good depth, even on a well-worn path.
on An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove
9 Sep 2006, 3:00 AM
grotesque. captivating. wan autumn's fart is superb. lines 3 and 4 don't add anything useful. middle 2 stanzas are pretty clever. very original stuff for the most part, but for me the gross-out factor ends up killing it at the end.
on Singing by ThereseWaneck
9 Sep 2006, 2:46 AM
i feel ya. sloshin' is a weak beginning though; reverse the order of lines 1 and 2.
last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
on Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove
8 Sep 2006, 3:40 PM
this reads like a novella. i greatly enjoyed the continuous stream of vitriol in the various pieces of the puzzle, but found myself wanting some sort of break to make the whole rant seem a bit less haphazard. also, i find the end a little disturbing. personally i could do without getting my shite blown up by usama's crew.
on Coyote Sunsets by DamienDen
8 Sep 2006, 3:21 PM
some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.