| Re: Little Miss Muff by Spider-Man |
11-Aug-06/6:33 AM |
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| Re: bimby by sneakerpimp |
11-Aug-06/6:32 AM |
does this make sense?
The passion you pretended
was precociously to obtain
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| Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger |
11-Aug-06/6:30 AM |
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| Re: Black and Orange by Enkidu |
11-Aug-06/6:28 AM |
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Very good last line and first verse
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| Re: Something More by drnick |
11-Aug-06/6:25 AM |
Soothingly introspective, the lines
You can only slow
a force of nature.
Like an avalanche
arrive in the chaos.
broke away from that soothing tone somewhat and whilst I see their necessity I cant precislely put my finger on it, but there is something that stops me giving this a 10 within those lines.
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| Re: a comment on 1a. Awaken by A db C |
10-Aug-06/6:24 AM |
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Do you have any ideas? It is meant to be desolate but perhaps the bulky half-prose makes it too much of a dreary sludge through the piece (maybe why it doesn't appeal to you), in fact youve made me think that splitting it down into a few more poetic pieces could help
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| Re: self-righteousness by calliope |
10-Aug-06/6:19 AM |
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I have to agree with Ranger here "I think I get it".
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| Re: fish eye pie by calliope |
10-Aug-06/6:17 AM |
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The breaks in the line create an interesting disjointed feel to the piece which eminates quality through its perspective. I dont really like the theme and the last verse, the theme is not really comical or serious, and the skills you have shown in conveying the feel of this conversation I feel are better placed to write about different topics. If I had liked the theme I would have given this a 10 for the way you have captured the communication between these two fishing women (maybe I have missed the point of this piece a little). This piece has drawn me in enougth to want to have a look at some of your other piece. Please dont take my opinion too far to heart since I am wrong more often than not these days.
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| Re: On the subject of being poor by Stephen Robins |
10-Aug-06/6:09 AM |
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| Re: Cataclysm and Echo by MacFrantic |
10-Aug-06/12:59 AM |
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Very echo like and poetic
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| Re: Children of Wolves by Caducus |
9-Aug-06/8:32 AM |
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Ive read a few of your pieces now and this is by far and away the best out of the 5 or so that I read (It shrieked as if it knew is a great line)
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