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fish eye pie (Free verse) by calliope She cast
a net
to the left
of the boat
and she caught
one thou-
sand
fish.
So I says
(to her),
"Dear gir-
ly girl,
which fish dish
nutrition
most suits
your
volition?"
Then she says
(to me,
with eyes so fair
and a fin-
ger twirling a
curling of hair):
"I likes the eyes
in pies,
ya know,
the scales all a-
sprinklin'
the pan dow-
nbelow."
Up the ladder:
Road of Means
Down the ladder:
A rock
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.3333333
Posted: August 3, 2006 5:19 PM PDT; Last modified: August 3, 2006 5:19 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.6821256 Overall Rank: 12178 Comments:
[7]
A db C @ 217.40.63.105
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10-Aug-06/6:17 AM
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Reply
The breaks in the line create an interesting disjointed feel to the piece which eminates quality through its perspective. I dont really like the theme and the last verse, the theme is not really comical or serious, and the skills you have shown in conveying the feel of this conversation I feel are better placed to write about different topics. If I had liked the theme I would have given this a 10 for the way you have captured the communication between these two fishing women (maybe I have missed the point of this piece a little). This piece has drawn me in enougth to want to have a look at some of your other piece. Please dont take my opinion too far to heart since I am wrong more often than not these days.
Had you thought of seeing a doctor? Especially one who believes in involuntary euthanasia?
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