regarding some deleted poem...	23-Dec-05/1:31 PM
Very nicely done.
Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222	23-Dec-05/1:39 PM
Stunning work. I adore the poetic device of reverse chronology - it gives it a stronger feeling of the death. Though it is long, it is a great read and kept my attention right through. Good job!
Re: Obituary for the Moon by wilco	23-Dec-05/1:41 PM
Very unique voice here. Edgy and filled with imagery. Good stuff here.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Dec-05/1:47 PM
Though I found this disturbing, it is a valuable poem. Too many people hide in darkness, doing their evil without censure - you shone a light.
Re: Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim	28-Dec-05/11:05 AM
I think you are relying on shock value to carry your write. The lines "sorry, where was I", and "uh, anyway" really disturb the flow. Granny grinding and necrophelia are disturbing concepts that need to be offered with much more seriousness and devotion to art.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-05/11:15 AM
This has promise. At the moment, reading it, I feel it is an essay on aerobics. First line: pretty good second line: I really know what you are trying to say, but feel 'sutured' is out of sync... maybe a word like ululating, which is the sound of passion, goes with woodwind line 3:4:5 are a solid body to work around spare me the "final splat" - is that ejaculation? If it refers to death - its grinding jaws in stereo.
Re: Im different so what? by xblackstarsx	28-Dec-05/11:21 AM
This sounds like a rant. Not to do with poetry, but anger. It looks hurriedly done and slapped together. Not capitalizing I - i - is an affectation. You must proofread or no one will take you seriously. I understand your rage - but present it boldly done, and seriously done. Spelling such as, Kewl always turns me off. Use the English language, we all know what cool is. Harness your emotions into well done form and they can give heft to your work.
Re: sick and demented by sk8boardandpoems	28-Dec-05/11:27 AM
I commited the same sin with punctuation - so this advise comes from experience. This is a wad of chewing tobacco that will choke the reader right into leaving. note - could of/NO - could HAVE/yes use caps for pronoun I - proofread for spelling and punctuation, as well as grammar. If you are new to poetry, please do not bristle at critiques - as I have a keen tendency to do. I assure you my remarks come from an Editor's standpoint and the desire to help young people use the English language.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-05/11:29 AM
I could have gone with the last two lines standing on their own merit - haiku-like. A hail of body parts, were they flagellating or using a Cuisenart
Re: Kaolin Fire is SHIT by poemwanker	28-Dec-05/11:31 AM
I am speechless!
Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	28-Dec-05/11:35 AM
First, be adult enough not to answer my comment with some poisoned barb. . . I do believe you achieved your goal - this little tit has garnered more comments than decent ones. I was a Hospice Nurse for 25 years and regard AIDS with respect, presenting it in ways that will uplift and educate.
Re: Mask by sk8boardandpoems	28-Dec-05/11:46 AM
Honey, I feel and share your hurt. You have a basis here for a good poem. Sometimes I cannot critique in the proper way, so with your forgiveness, I have written the poem another way - as a learning tool - your words are always yours. I'm not so happy, I fake it all All I desire is never have to crawl. Whenever I laugh or smile, it's fake enough to see for a mile. They laughed and made fun of me, without the courage to look in and see my thoughts, my feelings, my heart. My grades were bad, but I knew I was smart. When tears rolled down my face, they tied me with frayed and dirty lace. "Tie her hands first", they yell. Bury her in flowers so won't smell. As I listened to all of their plan, they took off my mask, I was a man. "Don't hurt him, they said, he's a boy. As they untied me and me aside, "How about her. Let's all decide." Prejudice came to live with me that day, that's all that, now I nothing more to say.
Re: Ah! That Love Would'st Lead Me by EggbertShootsFire	28-Dec-05/11:53 AM
I am setting myself for a blast from others, but - this really isn't bad - a little forced, but it does have the flavor of English poets of Blake's era. Personally, I love that kind of poetry, but you take a real risk posting it where it isn't seen in its best light. And would that I could leave him! "He, whose tone has pierced me through; Clad in white and softly smiling, With my tender heart left writhing, As these shameless tears renew." I would have put a comma after left - to emphasize writhing, but that's me, not you. This verse I chose was really strong, could use some tweaking, but it is very good. "And so, young poet, clad in black, merely a few things your words do lack. Hone thy skills with grace and labor, that they might not be smote with tabor."