| Re: a comment on When God is Needed No More by ALChemy |
24-Jan-06/12:04 AM |
Please don't say god does nothing unless you believe in god and if you believe in god's existence than obviously he does something. With that said, it would be silly for me to talk of God earnestly if I didn't at some level believe. Aside from saying something like "that guy over there believes in god" or "There is no god", which is not what I'm trying to say.
It's more about the dichotomy of what the childish believe and what the mature realize and about leaving the nest of religion as we do at home once we've learned all we need to know.
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| Re: a comment on Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo |
23-Jan-06/11:14 PM |
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I just thought narrowing it would make the poem a little more phallic. But the original was tougher to read through. Where in heavens were you when we needed you man.
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/4:10 PM |
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If only this site had an irony detector.
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/3:30 PM |
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That pretty much sums up life don't it.
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/3:22 PM |
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They must be aces when they pop into your head then.
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| Re: My Hand of god by drnick |
23-Jan-06/3:19 PM |
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Is this what you say to your patients Doc? Yikes.
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| Re: a comment on Gaze by AuntyM |
23-Jan-06/3:13 PM |
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They say the best readers become the best writers. Good to have you on board AuntyM.
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/3:10 PM |
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Your gettin' good with those one-liners D.
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| Re: a comment on Temporary moments by Prince of Void |
23-Jan-06/3:03 PM |
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Touche Mademoiselle Dovina, touche.
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| Re: a comment on On Golden Bond by jmalone |
23-Jan-06/2:58 PM |
This is similar in meaning to my last poem.
What this isn't, is a prose poem. That's what I don't understand.
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/2:49 PM |
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You just need to understand that Dovina's votes are like dog years. If she gives you a 7 it's like a 9 in human votes.
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| Re: a comment on When God is Needed No More by ALChemy |
23-Jan-06/2:30 PM |
Yes, I think my usual smooth rhythm has become almost an expected part of my poems. I only wrote it yesterday and quite quickly I might say. I had just finished reading Blake's Songs of Experience after reading Songs of Innocence and this is what came out of me. I wasn't sure if the meter narrowed too much near the end or not so I'm glad you caught that.
Yeah, I missed that damn "," when I put the "and" in. Good eye.
The last 4 lines were the heart of the poem so I'm a little disappointed the you didn't care fore them. Still, thanks for the input D.
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| Re: Gaze by AuntyM |
23-Jan-06/2:08 PM |
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| Re: Gaze by AuntyM |
23-Jan-06/2:07 PM |
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I've noticed the return of a lot of long time gone rankers lately. What, did you all get locked up for a couple years or something?
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| Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/1:49 PM |
I thought the way it layed out the whole text for you was great.
I saved it in my favorites for that reason alone.
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| Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/1:32 PM |
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| Re: Temporary moments by Prince of Void |
23-Jan-06/10:13 AM |
Griefs not grieves in line 1.
Use a double line space instead of "..." after "Still you"
Lose the "..." after "All this time what I have done".
Either "through millions of tears fallen on
This ocean of time. It can be something
to see me now" or-
"though a million tears has fallen on
This ocean of time, it can be something
to see me now"
You are definately improving though.
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| Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
23-Jan-06/9:11 AM |
Brilliant and witty.
Yes we have been playing a fools game haven't we.
You flip-flopped the "is" in "history".
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| Re: A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta |
23-Jan-06/8:58 AM |
This is nice writing but I wished you would have approached it differently. I wish you would've written it in a schizo manner.
Like-
"He snakes his head,
they're in his bed,
gibbergarberish.
With eyes deep red.
he fights and kicks,
they shout and spit,
And take his family
Into their midst.
With unhair kept,
mood, damnedest
He rights his life
by hr.-ly tests"...
For more of an idea see schizo poet Ernst Herbeck:
http://garysullivan.blogspot.com/2005/11/three-more-ernst-herbeck-translations.html
http://www.fascicle.com/issue01/Poets/herbeck1.htm
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| Re: My Hand of god by drnick |
23-Jan-06/8:09 AM |
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