Re: A Second by Luzr |
27-Mar-05/8:27 PM |
Well, pink bunny/luzr,
Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments:
***The words I haven't even wrote yet
***Burning brightly on my tongue
VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading.
***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening
***Dancing a tactful tip-toe
***Between polite, and real conversation
***Remembering that words are weapons
***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue
***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded
This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl.
***A second first,
The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean?
Overall, VERY nicely done.
juli harrelson :)
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Re: a comment on The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest by luzrheroguy |
27-Mar-05/8:15 PM |
WOW! It's you!
It's weird (maybe that's not the right word), but I am naturally attracted to your poetry. I didn't even know this poem was by you, but I was drawn to the poem and then drawn into the poem.
I like your way of writing. (I have a confession to make --- I have been reading a lot of your poems, although I didn't vote on them. I should have.)
There is a definite authenticity about how you write that is very attractive, like you are baring yourself, baring your journal for people to read, only it rhymes and it's VERY good.
Anyway, I am definitely drawn to your writings, as are others. Don't stop. It's a gift...... juli harrelson :)
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Re: Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Mar-05/7:45 PM |
awesome. Good grief, man! This is really good stuff.
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Re: Children in the Storm by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Mar-05/7:38 PM |
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Re: Sophia, Lets get this over with by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Mar-05/7:35 PM |
"Come, lets dance, with flames and silhouettes"
I REALLY like that imagery. In fact, your whole poem was like I was right there. I was right. You ARE very articulate...and very intelligent. Poetry pretty much tells on a person, who they are and all that.
A very good piece.
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Re: pihsdneirf ruo fo dne eht(The Burn) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Mar-05/7:11 PM |
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Re: pihsdneirf ruo fo dne eht(The Burn) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Mar-05/7:10 PM |
I can tell you are a pretty intelligent person, maybe above average, and very articulate...I like this poem. I wrote one about being "burned" once....one of the phrases was
.....new skin under the burns......
This poem brought it to mind. That's all I can remember of my "burned" poem. I was pretty crazy over that guy. I've forgotten all about him now, oh...and the poem was thrown away with the memory. That's all I could retrieve from that dusty part of my memory.
Good stuff, pinkbunny-guy. I'll read some more of yours.
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Re: The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest by luzrheroguy |
19-Mar-05/7:03 PM |
I really like the first verse a lot. It's smooth and clear:
"My best was never enough
Against you at your worst
I'm always a close second
Compared to your first"
I like how it rhymes just here and there without sounding fake or funky. It sounds like it just flowed out that way.
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Re: Black Clouds by Haleyj |
19-Mar-05/1:08 PM |
"Basking beneath
All of the darkened stars"
Comment: I like that! It has opposites in it. Good word use, I think.
"Iâll build myself up
Donât rely on anyone
Because people can change
And secrets can be undone"
Comment: I like the sound and truth in that rhyming.
I think this is a good introspective poem
- juli :)
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