zodiac
replying on Us Sinners by BrandonW
14 Nov 2005, 3:57 AM
Ace.
The funny thing is "the face that launched a thousand ships" wasn't a cliche until some better poet made it up. Namely, this one: http://www.osmond-riba.org/lis/Graphics/ Marlowe1.jpg
Actually, that's not so funny.
Just like a teacher to ask questions you already know the answers to.
Then say "true north". The smart ones among us will figure out you mean true love. If you're going to plagiarize then at least say it right, "the FACE that launched a thousand ships". Although decently worded your poem is awash with cliche after cliche.
its a play on true north
You know where you are?
You're in the Jungle, baby.
You're gonna diiiieya.
Haiku by Axl Rose
Fro the 1st stanza of Billy Collins' "Nightclub":
You are so beautiful and I am a fool
to be in love with you
is a theme that keeps coming up
in songs and poems.
There seems to be no room for variation.
I have never heard anyone sing
I am so beautiful
and you are a fool to be in love with me,
even though this notion has surely
crossed the minds of women and men alike.
You are so beautiful, too bad you are a fool
is another one you don't hear.
Or, you are a fool to consider me beautiful.
That one you will never hear, guaranteed.
Line 6: 'Withstand the beat of time' seemed out of place to me...
Could you explain how this ends the first stanza?
I find it very odd that I see you on multiple websites.
And i'm not even a stalker.
On another note:
Line 3: I think that 'Being dressed in my best...' should be changed. Keep the idea, but change the wording so it doesn't rhyme. Because it sounds horrible.
overall, though, I thought it was ok.
She might be saying people will pay to cure themselves when they're sick, but not to eliminate disease altogether when it doesn't affect them. Like eliminating the "minor 5" diseases in Africa (malaria, typhoid, and I forget the rest), which kill more Africans than AIDS but would require a smaller investment to totally eliminate than what we currently spend fighting AIDS in Africa.
I will agree to the rightness of one whom I generally accuse of placing rhythm above rightness.