Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	Dovina 209.247.222.99	18-Dec-05/6:08 PM
Your peeping telescoope is zoomed into the wrong window, in which stands a mirror accross the room. Yes, Im convinced of it. Hey, it's yuletide, the hatchet-burying time, when people pretend to get along. Really, give me an honest comment and I'll return the gift.
Re: Mixed Quartet by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.99	18-Dec-05/5:56 PM
No kidding. Peace on earth among people of all races. Merry Holidays! Happy 2006!
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.99	18-Dec-05/5:47 PM
Actually, you have partly inspired my recent post. Read and be elated.
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.99	18-Dec-05/5:43 PM
But that was gay, wasn't it? Mine is not gay, just because it has a line about a gay pervert.
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Dec-05/10:24 AM
Good, now say it in a way you've never heard or read. Use images and scenes unique in your own personal life as metaphors. How does baby Jesus compare to your own children? Ask yourself what if I loved Jesus in the same way I love my children? How would that change the way I approach my faith? Would it make me a better Christian or a worse one? What if, while nailed to the cross as he said "Father, why have you forsaken me?", what if he was not looking to the skies but instead he was looking us straight in the eyes? Now write.
Re: My kids by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Dec-05/10:08 AM
Unless your son's name is Danny Boy don't say things like "milk's a boiling" just say "milk is boiling". "They hug and kiss, for she did miss" Add a "so" either before or after "did" or even better lose "did" and just write it as "so missed". I mean do you really talk in real life like you did in those 2 lines I singled out? With that said, the rest of this is really good and I actually like that you put rhymes where it felt natural and didn't force them into places they didn't need to go. Now my challenge to you is to find out what exactly the elements were that made this poem effective and what things worked against it.
Re: a comment on CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.150.39	18-Dec-05/9:04 AM
Look you have you're beliefs and I have mine. Ridicule me all you want, at least I'm staying true to myself. I happen to be a Christian like you, but there are more historical texts relating to Christ's life than just the Bible. We all have different ways of interacting with God; I've chosen to do so through a medium that I feel the most comforable with. I'd appreciate it if you didn't accuse me of being delusional, that's all.
Re: Returning Home by Niphredil	Blindpoetry 70.172.225.193	18-Dec-05/8:30 AM
might want to take an adjective or and adverd out of second stanza, line 4 - just so there isn't one line poking out like a sword, or a knife. or some other objects. i enjoyed it
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Dec-05/5:38 AM
I don't know quite what I'm looking at. My telescope's zoomed in too close and all I can make out is a hairy mole and what looks like a tiny tatoo of Herve Villechaize bent over with a tatoo of Ricardo Montalban on his ass smoking a cigar (Oh wait a minute. My bad. It's not a cigar, Herve's just taking a dump.)
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Dec-05/5:27 AM
I thought it was a nice comment when you gave it to me about "Virgil's Song".
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Dec-05/5:22 AM
Thanks Paul. I think you can write fine love poems as long as they aren't about someone you love. That's where I find the difficulty because you can't see the broad picture when your right there in the middle of it. I've rewritten this poem countless times and I'm still not satisfied with it most likely because it was about someone I was madly in love with. So my advice is to try to write a love poem about two other lovers. You're right I missed the "I" in "I wish..." DOUGH! I should have gotten some sleep before posting this. I'm right on it.
Re: My kids by amanda_dcosta	some deleted user 204.97.18.177	18-Dec-05/5:17 AM
Not as structured as some of your other work. I was a little put off by the indiscriminate use of rhyme and non-rhyme.
Re: Privacy by Dovina	some deleted user 204.97.18.177	18-Dec-05/5:06 AM
I can learn alot if I hang around this site long enough. This is a great poem.
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	some deleted user 204.97.18.177	18-Dec-05/5:03 AM
I like this, especially the last line.
Re: To Michelle by ALChemy	some deleted user 204.97.18.177	18-Dec-05/4:57 AM
I have difficulty writing love poems--they often turn out as so much syrup--so my hats off to anyone who can do it well, as you have done here. My only question concerns line 6. Should it read "though i wish..." Or am I mistaken?
Re: To Michelle by ALChemy	Dovina 69.175.32.104	17-Dec-05/9:27 PM
I'm watching you and will tell you what I see after you first do the same.
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	17-Dec-05/9:24 PM
Have you not heard of the Church Where Perverts Protest Privacy Invasion? Would you not agree that a pause is inferred at the end of every unless enjamment is clearly implied? Is not a pause the same as a comma?
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	17-Dec-05/9:19 PM
You are sayingg that "perverts ought to have more privacy" is not the thrust of this poem, and that if I would punctuate, nobody would think that. Okay, point taken. Punctuation probably would help.
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	17-Dec-05/9:17 PM
I'll place your gift with others in a place to be dealt with later. And in keeping with yuletide cheer: thank you, peace, and Merry Christmas.
Re: a comment on CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	17-Dec-05/6:29 PM
You know, -=D_A=-,P.I., there's a treatment for hallucinations. Could help you if you want. and for a disoriented mind too.