Re: a comment on Stripping the willow by ecargo	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	19-Jan-07/7:42 AM
Ranger please stop being so cheerfully likeable, it's like watching the Vicar of Dibley.
Re: a comment on Give it up Max by Stephen Robins	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	19-Jan-07/7:35 AM
Behold now virgins, David Gower, Examine the weight of his willow, He'll soon be whacking his balls, Whilst your biting hard on your pillow.
Re: Curry Gives You The Shits by spank me baby yeah	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.24	18-Jan-07/3:56 PM
Never dine on ethnic foods. Kipling knew this only too well. I quote: Now, it is not good for the Christian’s health to hustle the Aryan brown, For the Christian riles, and the Aryan smiles, and he weareth the Christian down; And the end of the fight is a tombstone white, with the name of the late deceased, And the epitaph drear: ‘A fool lies here who tried to hustle the East.’
Re: a comment on Stripping the willow by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.46.211	18-Jan-07/2:21 PM
I might have gotten carried away by the title a little. But still, it's a wonderful line.
Re: a comment on Fanatic by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/10:52 AM
Is this yours (i.e., not lyrics)? I think your poetry in comments is sometimes better than your posted poems. This is one of those times.
Re: a comment on Fanatic by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/10:50 AM
we should know we're humming different tunes open up, surrender to the plot beautiful, show them all you have got Great song.
Re: If she thinks if she believes by Prince of Void	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/10:20 AM
I think you're too focused on Writing a Poeme instead of just honestly and simply writing. That's how pimple poems erupt. Cut it down. Give details. Name names. Point fingers--artfully. Even just simplifying this would give it more impact: If she thinks My love is based on lies She'll leave. My dreams will melt away. Not great, but better, I think. What do you know about her? What should we know? Sometimes just turning the focus away from you helps. Keep going!
Re: Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/10:07 AM
I've read this a few times. I like the story telling aspect of it, but at points it gets wordy and the story itself is a little thin as told. In order for a straight narrative poem to work, I think the story needs to be stronger--a ballad form would suit this (okay, maybe it just made me think of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfood, for obvious reasons, but I think that's a good illustration of why that song/story works--the ballad form, the interesting language, the ship's backstory, etc.). I think part of the problem may be that there's no one to connect with--if you read, for example, Zodiac's poem about Cook dying, it's the people in the poem that really make it work; we identify with the dying Captain, the native girl. This lacks any such personalization/identification. Even something like "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" connects us with the ship by making it something living--maybe it's the focus on the rats that doesn't work for me here. The prologue seems unnecessary, tacked on; doesn't advance anything, IMO, and isn't really ever followed up in any way. In general, too, this gets a little too anthropormorphic for me (the glad rats, the amiably sailing ship). I think the story telling is pretty good, though could use some paring. And I like the last line--the "fatted rats" suggesting, intentionally or not, fatted calves (a sacrifice) and "gasping in the open sea" is a good line and image.
Re: a comment on If she thinks if she believes by Prince of Void	Prince of Void 213.207.253.32	18-Jan-07/10:02 AM
thank u for helping me ....
Re: a comment on Stripping the willow by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/9:49 AM
Just what I need--thanks! Wow--11 articles in a 12-line poem is a bit much. Funny what we overlook. Like "along the long"--yikes indeed. Sex on a blue screen? Um, well, maybe. ;-D Thanks Ranger.
Re: a comment on Stripping the willow by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Jan-07/9:46 AM
That's funny--it didn't even occur to me that I used the Brit spelling for plough. I almost certainly did it because of the eye "rhyme" with sough. I agree that the word sough is obscure, but I like poetry because it does, on occasion, unearth odd words, and I think a love for words and wordplay is essential for writing poetry. So while I do usually strive for simplicity in word choices, I like the way "sough" looks here--but your point is apt and appreciated. This definitely has elements of "swords into ploughshares" but it's also about motion and time/lost ritual. Sickle harkens back to plough but it's also a reference to the moon. I think I was going for something along the lines of DH Lawrence's "Under the Oak" (this pales, obviously, in comparison to that!), but this really isn't about anything concrete, which is probably where it fails the most. It lacks a fulcrum or concrete focus. I'm not sure what you mean in your final comment about "conventional sentence structure in the last one"--despite the enjambed line, it is a complete sentence, as is the one that follows. Anyway, enough of me on me. Thanks for the comment and vote.
Re: a comment on Fanatic by Dovina	drnick 24.176.22.254	18-Jan-07/9:11 AM
We did have nice, philosophical conversations...those were the days...I'm well, finishing up school this semester, and then continuing on to complete uncertainty. The rate at which I hate my work has increased to every time I complete about 4 lines so I haven't been writing much. Well, time to go shoot myself in the face again.
Re: He's... by holliebollie_19	Ranger 86.131.63.244	18-Jan-07/9:05 AM
Couple of typos in here need fixing. Influences?
Re: a comment on Stripping the willow by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.63.244	18-Jan-07/9:02 AM
Nothing whatsoever wrong with British spelling, it shows excellent taste ;-)
Re: Stripping the willow by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.63.244	18-Jan-07/9:00 AM
POEME STATS: Stanzas: 3 Lines: 12 Uses of 'the': 7 Uses of 'a': 4 Not that I'm criticising there, but you might want to borrow one of the mage's chisels? 'along the long' = yikes 'a sough of doubt' = sex on a light blue screen Stanza two is super, so is the final line. Stanza one feels weaker than the rest, not that I know what to suggest. Maybe it's the brevity of line one. Everyone who says this is a lovely poem is right though.
Re: Give it up Max by Stephen Robins	Ranger 86.131.63.244	18-Jan-07/8:51 AM
Top closing stanza. I have a David Gower-based poem in production for you.
Re: The Consultation by Edna Sweetlove	Holy Tits 195.194.75.209	18-Jan-07/7:44 AM
Sick.
Re: A Coven of Toes by sixtoedwonder	Holy Tits 195.194.75.209	18-Jan-07/7:42 AM
Total fucking drivel.
Re: for sue (20030815) by nentwined	Holy Tits 195.194.75.209	18-Jan-07/7:40 AM
A nip of tea? You mean Japanese tea? Jesus Christ, this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad.
Re: Grafton Street Late Joys by Engelbert Humpalot	Holy Tits 195.194.75.209	18-Jan-07/7:39 AM
A truly bestial write.