Stephen Robins
replying on Ebony shadow by Twiggy77
10 Nov 2004, 9:01 AM
In under 50 words give me one example to prove your arguement that hate is "learned behaviour". Please also explain who the first teacher of hate was. Then flush yourself down the nearest toilet.
i have to agree with Jimmy Z on this one, though I doubt i would have noticed myself, otherwise.
What you have is really good.
I like how you followed "Dont leave me a fucking dimtard comment if that's the best education you've got..." with "I HAVE FOUND THOUGHTS AND WORDS TO BE THE FOUNDATION FOR SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN LIFE" A stroke of genius, to be sure
sorry, I meant " ~=Rectal Emissions=~ "
here is one for you to mentally exercise with. I HAVE FOUND THAT BOXER SHORTS ARE SUPERIOR TO COTTON BRIEFS DUE TO THEIR LESS BINDING NATURE. THAT AND THEY ALLOW FOR QUICKER DIFFUSION OF RECTAL EMISSIONS.
sentenced, but other than that, twas good, especially the last stanza, only we allow the lessons of life to teach us to hate, as I'm a firm believer that hate is learned behavior.....
but the use of aphorisms is the very antithesis of the personal and the specific.
your points to the literary criticisms are well taken and I totally agree, it's the other bullshit comments that are so unnecessary, and I seriously doubt many would even venture into my neighborhood, let alone try to slap me, but be my guest......so now that that's said lets get back to writing
richa my aphorisms are not unsubstantiated. They are from what "I" and only "I" experienced in my life. I made alot of mistakes, and I learned from them. Yes I understand every aphorism I say, because I have exerienced each one. some good, some bad.And the offended reply. I use to be like that until my mother told me when you criticize someone, they become defensive.
When you spell out there mistakes they listen.I know it works both ways.
By posting your poem you are asking for it to be judged. 'Children are conceived with no hatred or racism' is saying that children are conceived by an act of love not hate. But what about children conceived through rape. Bachus has proved your statement to be false. No problem with that criticism. Haikus are traditionally 5-7-5 therefore the comment 'the second line has 8 syllables' is fair criticism. That you claim to be well read in haiku yet you write something which resembles a haiku in no way (except children can be in haikus) leaves you open to criticism on that score too. How can you turn on the critics for doing what is asked of them. Did someone tell you that everyone must like you and everyone must say nice things about you. Believe me there is nothing here that would not be said to your face. Poemranker however is not face to face, therefore it is kind of difficult to criticise face to face. If we could I am sure many would like to give you a slap for your apalling petulance.
Guess who was depressed for a while.
"i'm a creep
and i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?
I don't belong here"
interesting the way you write "leftout" as one word.
radiohead circa 1990 something
unperfect. strangely, i think this may be better than imperfect.
you are just unwanted
ignorant of what?
Thank you, you guys have so much ettiquette when addressing people that you don't even know, the monitor and distance must really be a source of comfort for bravery, hopefully you don't write like you talk....ignorant
and saying something in 17 syllables doesn't exactly constitute a poem.
The excessive use of unsubstantiated aphorisms is a bad thing. This is a valuable lesson and hardly deserves such a mock offended reply (and more aphorisms). When I read aphorisms in poems it reminds me of political language. I can never be sure whether the writer understands what he is saying let alone whether he has any depth of understanding of what he is saying.
The correct use of logic is what gives a poem depth. How can a poem be anything but surface if the surface only applies to itself. For instance 'the snow makes me warm' this can only mean you like snow (warm feeling) the reader can infer nothing from the properties of snow that could make you warm.
With respect to your constant demeaning of 'smart' people. It reminds me of the time my negro maid fired this gem at me when I read her my masterpiece: "I have no time for false intellectualism". I was so humbled I modified my masterpiece. I ask her every day what she thinks. It garners the same reply. Every day I modify my masterpiece. Will I ever achieve true intellectualism.
Truth is more than a mental exercise.The next time you want to leave me a comment.Dont leave me a fucking dimtard comment if that's the best education you've got.Here's one for you to grow on.I HAVE FOUND THOUGHTS AND WORDS TO BE THE FOUNDATION FOR SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN LIFE.
Maybe I've just not taken enough time on this (I haven't), but I don't immediately see how the imagery is supposed to work. Either
a) the "shallow and dirty snow" and "crusty and clean" snow are the jokes, and the "black limbs sagging" and "tan earth" are the missives;
b) or the "shallow and dirty snow" and "black limbs sagging" are the jokes, and the "crusty and clean" snow and the "tan earth" are the missives. There's no other way around it.
If a), how are his jokes both "shallow and dirty" and low, and "crusty and clean" and lofty? And how are "black limbs sagging" and "tan earth hidden" missives? The limbs, maybe, reach out - that works. But the earth is the opposite; it's passive and hidden. Sure, you can be reaching out and being passive and hidden probably, but not in metaphor land.
Choice b) seems more likely. You get "shallow and dirty" and kind of desparate limbs reaching out and sagging for the jokes. But then you get clean tree snow and hidden earth for the missives. How are either of those missives? And aren't they still opposites?
Go ahead, tell me where I've gone wrong.