Dovina
on Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere
9 Jul 2004, 4:13 PM
Not much better on rewrite. What really are you trying to say?
I don't entirely agree with it, but I'm not judging you're opinion, I'm judging the poem, and the poem isn't that bad.
i like it, good poem
good work, keep it up
deep thoughts, very emotional, -10-
El trains are noisy and dirty. Finding flowers in their sparks is like admiring the moonlight reflecting in a pool of urine. Good.
the wrong is a bad place to be
feckleheads. mmmmmmmm
good diction? o wait its all made up.
fuck no
thats one way
lackadaisical. im so glad you had a chance to use that
ohhhhhhhhhh
that is the most expensive/valuable thing to buy...except hookers dont give love. they give the opposite. and what about "can't buy me love" can love really be "bought" i sure hope not. i doubt it. bleh.
sure
Very very very creative, Audrey, love ya to Hell<3
The delivery is a touch fluffed, but I like the concept.
Money is a medium of exchange and a measure of wealth. If you wish to place "love" in money's place and write about it, that's a good idea. But some precision of language is needed to make the point.
The title promises shoes, but the poem only disappoints. To me, there is nothing more erotic than a cardboard box full of sweaty trainers.
I can only assume, given that you have spelled Splinter with a capital S, that you are referring to Splinter off of the Turtles. But what sight could be so horrible that it would make your head literally turn into Splinter off of the Turtles? This poem really doesn't stand up to scrutiny.