| regarding some deleted poem... |
New Life Drug 69.106.239.202 |
18-May-05/6:40 PM |
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hi and lo..dead air.. ear to the floor.
I hope everyone gets it.
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| Re: Transition by INTRANSIT |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
18-May-05/7:05 PM |
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Last line is a bit of a disappointment. I know; it's a haiku. Nevertheless, nevertheless...
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| Re: Transition by INTRANSIT |
Dental Panic 84.31.86.195 |
18-May-05/11:56 PM |
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I don't think haiku should have something to give away. The universe is not to be tricked. Then again, I don't have a real taste for haiku. They're a bit like sushi to me - I'll aways look around for more.
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| Re: Ransom by windyone |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
19-May-05/4:49 AM |
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So you were shown a guy's hotdog. How many 'poems' did you write about this earth-shattering event?
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| Re: Ransom by windyone |
Christof 62.121.23.56 |
19-May-05/9:09 AM |
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Where does the ransom come into it?
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| Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 |
Enkidu 204.98.2.23 |
19-May-05/11:42 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
19-May-05/12:15 PM |
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The first verse is good. The rest is rather confusing.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
19-May-05/12:25 PM |
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Edge is such an unlikely ending, but I keep hoping. Maybe a person should just get used to tails fifty percent of the time.
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| Re: Transition by INTRANSIT |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
19-May-05/12:29 PM |
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I always wondered how to get seven beats in the second line. Now I know.
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| Re: Blue Executioner by Caducus |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
19-May-05/12:37 PM |
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How about "Moving to the light"?
Strange how rockmage votes, and how often.
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| Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
19-May-05/12:52 PM |
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A good idea. I think it would be better to leave "me" out of it after the first two verses.
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| Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
19-May-05/1:43 PM |
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"slake" is not a good word to use there. Also, get rid of "About her person." I'd try, "About her body" or something else. And I plain just don't understand the part about being "robbed painfully of darkness" that only makes sense to a vampire. It needs a little explaining, for the rest of us.
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| Re: To Making Do by Dovina |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
19-May-05/4:44 PM |
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It's my turn for incomprehension...
Not so fond of dialogues in poetry. These segments also lack compositor(i)al harmony. You're one of a few PR's who show a feel for harmony (bâââhh, old-fashioned!) and do more than just sweep together a collection of words that bite each other. Yes I know, it's the temporary way...
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| Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197 |
19-May-05/6:56 PM |
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I can't get over -birds of down-. Incredible.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197 |
19-May-05/7:03 PM |
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Coin toss called on account of rain.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.249 |
20-May-05/1:37 AM |
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| Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197 |
20-May-05/6:37 AM |
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Have an Alexander Hamilton.
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| Re: Transition by INTRANSIT |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
20-May-05/7:55 AM |
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Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
20-May-05/7:56 AM |
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YOU TOUCH MY TRA LA LA, MY DING DING DONGGGGGGGGGGGGG
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
20-May-05/11:10 AM |
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<< i, u >>
Ah, Homo Communicata in all his splendor. If you really feel the need to use chat language, be consistent and avoid the old-fashioned 'you' and 'too' altogether.
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