regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.67	11-Dec-05/10:12 AM
Okay, you may be wondering about such a post! I am wondering which one you like best...or if you like them all, or is you like what parts. Go ahead, pick at them, pick them apart, sound off...get off...whatever! Maybe list your vote score in post for which one, or leave me confused by posting a score to embrace all three, or not.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	11-Dec-05/10:31 AM
Version 2 is the best one. Change: Snatches to snatched. Holding to held Rips to ripped. You go from past tense to present to past tense again. This leaves the poem sounding subtly awkward.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/12:59 PM
I think some punctuation would help all three versioins: Breathless, whispered urgently part pleading, part command I like No. 2
Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:32 PM
Some good images here, even if seemingly separate from any theme. I fail to see entropy, other than in the title.
Re: donuts and such by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:41 PM
I was with you until "bedposts."
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	sliver 172.196.162.4	11-Dec-05/9:37 PM
Had an awful lot of stuff.
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	12-Dec-05/9:08 AM
Lucky Guy
Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.135	12-Dec-05/11:17 AM
chthonic, subfusc, oneiric, alpenglow, lambent, prestidigitation,...whew...I hate having to get out the dictionary to look up words in the middle of reading!...are these all real words, or have you made one up?(prestidigitation) and is chthonic said 'Ku-tho-nick'? Was this some maniacal English teacher's assignment? To use these words correctly in a poem? Okay...that said...cool poem. However, I think that English teacher would say that a comma should be used here and there. (Ex:Their blindness like ours is begotten) and period usage is sketchy at best (Ex:But in the land of sand and dust.) But...I am not an English teacher, and since you said all this with such flair I will give it a decwent score. However, I can't give you a high score, since you use words such as worms and dust,(among others) that speak with such grit, but then threw in those $10.00 words. It would have been more accessible without them. That said...Amen!
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:10 PM
Lower-case everything except "Her". Make this make sense.
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:19 PM
Small edits: - Period after "legs" in stanza 1, instead of semicolon. - Drop "aside" from stanza 3. At the very least, you need punctuation after "aside". - Don't repeat "longer" in stanza 4. - Check your use of "the" and "a" again. Some (ie, 'the longer haze of a lake') is a little jarring. - "After" in stanza 5, not "Thereafter". - "I'd found" instead of "I found". - Change at least stanza 6 to past tense. Probably stanza 7 as well. That's all. This is the best thing I've read so far today.
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:20 PM
Please do us the small courtesy of waiting until you've finished the poem before posting it.
Re: I Remember Thinking by BrandonW	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:29 PM
"than she", not "than her".
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:32 PM
I Saw Your Face Last Night as I lay in bed, each line, each feature in the ceiling, your eyes urgently staring, lips parted as if to receive. Sleep distant your illusion hovered, reaching to me. I lay still, staring, not wishing to lose you in half-sleep, I tasted you in mind, waited for you to invade dreams. An empty place beside me, the sheets there cold, I traced your arms and back.
Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:35 PM
I will 10-vote all your poems if you can adequately define entropy without looking it up.
Re: no title by candaliesa	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:56 PM
Hi, candaliesa. Welcome to poemranker. It's clear that you've got the basics of writing poetry down. But I hope you're getting some ideas from these comments about the direction you should go with your writing. That is, away from overused rhymes and toward more specific and original images. A good rule of thumb is: If you've ever heard the rhyme or image you're thinking of using in any poem, song, or book, ever, DON'T USE IT. Don't be afraid to try for unusual connections between ideas or sounds. And don't be afraid to put the include the real details of your life in your poems. That's what hardworking poets have been doing for over a thousand years, and that's why we have so much good poetry. Do your boyfriend's grooming habits remind you of a duck preening in a pond? Use that! What is it that reminds you? The way he sniffs his underarms, like a duck rooting under a wing with his bill? Great! What rhymes with "preening"? Meaning, intervening? Okay! How about "darjeeling"? It's close enough. Did you ever walk around the city park pond with your boyfriend? Sure! That's how easy (or how difficult) it is. Watch for images, things, people, you can relate to your life or ideas. Then use them. Try to make the rhymes work for the content. Try to make them distinguish your poem. Don't get discouraged. Here's a good idea of rhymes that are overused, and how overused they are: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97250 Good luck. Seriously, don't give up. zodiac
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:01 PM
When you start by calling her Girlie, I immediatly assume its going to be a put-down of her. And I was not disappointed. I think it would be stronger if we were not given that assumption up front.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:04 PM
This goes great at Christmas time when most of us have a few kin we'd rather not see, but must. Many ways could I fill in the blank.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:09 PM
She greatly impressed you, did she? I think "woke" isn't right, "lives"? I dunno.
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:12 PM
nice
Re: The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:40 PM
What are you doing? This is the legend of THE CROW. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109506/ I'm sorry, I know I've given you crap about unoriginality in the past, but this seriously does not count as your own work.