This is quite nice; flowing, roaming within an easy pattern. Having said that, I'm gonna haveta read it a few more times to figure out what the hell it's about - but, you know what? - I look forward to it.

Writ with a confident, skilled hand that pulls words as concepts onto stacks with a geometric efficiency. Once again, I have to work to understand what shape this equation takes - but I want to.

I'll grant that it's probably clever - though it may sound more so than is so; I do, however, appreciate the unusual form. The other two: sapphires; this - more muddy. I will admit, it can be fun to play in the mud.

If I was a good judge of character I wouldn't have to three man sling shot a warm potato at your ass once a day, nor would I be a Vet. An pleasant poem by thy way.

"Hey kids, this chess song hits the big top twenty at number 7!"

I would bet you're better at checkers.

Once my bum leaked a brackish honey, but just once. The it flowered with yeast.

I smile and Smile. I even giggled on cue.

"A very sad song,” I whispered to me.

Somehow the imagery did not flow 'right' for me. I have no advice as to how to make it do so.

Way too bland!

Gayness

Perhaps a little extreme at times, but I agree wholeheartedly with the underlying sentiment. Well done!

If Jesu offered you the choice of being gay and having your ass sent to HELL, or of being gay and having your whole body sent to HELL, which would you choose, bearing in mind that walking around heaven without an ass would make you look extremely foolish? (2 marks)

Very revealing. Dire camel makes me shudder.

I like the sounds in this alot. Couple things to consider: delete "up" (it's covered with "phallically") Tell me what kind of trees are looming. That second stanza, in particular, has a nice groove.

Nice wordplay 'limonade and I share white russian' Beer that eats like a meal is a nice idea too

cast a spell and gaping ears are a bit cliche. Like the furrowed brow your borrowed frown is burrowing down wordplay

'Lay the bones of lovers, dancing side by side Separately in boxes.' is a nice punchy line to end on

More ironic if she was not true, and neither was the gun, you aiming the gun at youself and shooting her. 'I got a gun for my fist' (to replace my fist I read rather than to hold) is a cool line