Excellent Poem!

spunafaNTASTICO ....wild carefree and positively biosterous in its wild abandon and exuberance did it have words i hardly noticed as i bounced along with it...magnificent spunas 'r' us

And this is why there is no respected anthology for schizophrenic poetry. The free association.

You go from bar to battle to monster in three lines. Try and develop your figures of speech. Otherwise they may as well just be randomly generated on some orwellian versificator.

This one needs more bite (an active voice?). Your writing is always enjoyable though

I don't understand what is meant by your instructions. By mixing FEELINGS I only get EEFLINGS or SNIGFLEE, neither of which inspires anything in me. And (this just in passing) are you fucking daft?!

I love poems that have choruses labeled <chorus>. In fact, I'd prefer for all poetry to be written by people who've never read poetry on the page before and who think music is poetry, which it is certainly not. In fact, poemranker could be modified so that a MIDI of the artist's intended melody might play while we read the poem. Poets who don't provide their own MIDI files could have MIDI melodies selected at random from an archive of simple melodies according to one of nentwined's famous algorithms, often with surprising and amusing results. Or, even better, you could take your "poem" to your nearest subway station and perform it endlessly on an acoustic guitar and a battery-powered amplifier for commuters' spare change.

"If when"?

There should be periods at the ends of the stanzas. Otherwise this is great.

The word black followed by the word snake is so sexy to me. Good-B------- is one of the silliest things done in poetry ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. I imagine you performing this, accompanying yourself with a dramatic reenactment. It would be fucking hilarious.

Of course this is great. I was told yesterday by a professor that Pound's "At a station of the Metro" is one of the most-interpreted poems ever. May this one have such a long and heavily-anthologized life.

The semicolons are all wrong. And you did the wrong 'its' in III. Other than that, it's okay. A little light for the roman numerals.

LOOK HERE, PYGMIES, time for some culture: -- You're = you are -- Your = it belongs to you; it's yours -- It's = it is -- Its = belongs to it -- Don't, won't, can't, didn't = correct contractions of 'do not', 'will not', 'cannot', and 'did not', respectively (please note the apostrophes) -- _._ = a period; even in poetry, the end of a sentence, which is a single thought, or a string of unified & coherent thoughts; in rhetoric, the longest or second-longest pause -- _:_ = a colon; even in poetry, precedes a series of equal-valued nouns or divides two equal clauses without a conjunction or, in rhetoric, the next-longest pause after a period -- _;_ = a semicolon; even in poetry, divides two clauses WITH a conjunction, something stronger than a comma -- _,_ = a comma; divides adjectives or nouns in a series, all kinds of clauses and phrases, represents a pause. In addition, 'cumulous' is actually 'cumulus', and those red (or green) squiggly lines that Microsoft puts under your (note the possessive) writing mean you've (not the contraction) done something terribly wrong with our mother tongue. And you're (note the contraction) supposed to be the saviors of English letters? For shame!!!!!!

It's a lovely sentiment. I like the writing of the first part better than the second part. Finally, I can't avoid the logical bump that you are wishing the person you speak of dead before you though. ;-) Which just leaves me with this crystalization... I love you and I want you dead. ;-) No offense I hope. I really enjoy so much of it.

its very emotional and the spelling in it is amazing and quite lends itself to someone who is on the edge and isnt bothered about spelling so it adds to the intensity and feeling

i love anything on a bus nice write

i love anything on a bus nice write

if you lose the exclamation at the end it will have more impact i

bit bloody for me at the beginning but the rest was great...very emotional

lovely