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Diminishing (Concrete) by <~> For this one it's Jesus, for that one, hate
For some it's a drink, for others it's H
One draws a card, another rolls dice
He's got his speedboat, she drips with ice
For her it's him, for him it's speed
Each is itching to sate a need
She thinks she'll never be thin
He's getting off at the gym
This boy can't get enough
That girl likes it real rough
Some seek out a fight
What I do is write
I mark it down
I question each
Have you found
What you seek?
You try,
And so
Do
I
Up the ladder:
Speaking my mind. Brilliant Idea!
Down the ladder:
{Porn*Star}{Hai*kus}
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.9444447
Posted: August 11, 2002 9:44 PM PDT; Last modified: August 11, 2002 9:44 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.8522277 Overall Rank: 309 Comments:
[8]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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11-Aug-02/10:17 PM
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Reply
yes, you do, and so do i..thank the right hand for it's talent it may one day soon want another body. i'm not trusting it these days...hey z this is a 'ringer' great conrasts and noun selection. i must say i'm quite fond of your "yours selection". reads like a bullit kills with an honest days work! your hoof has been shoed! race on!u
Your work is an inspiration!
Is this a poem or a triangle?
dear p&k, a concrete poem looks like what it is. in this case, the poem is titled 'diminishing.' it diminishes in form, both visually and in beats per couplet (10,10, 9,9, 8,8, etc.). there are other ways in which the title may be interpeted as relates to the subject matter. so, to answer your question, yes, it is a triangle, and it is one on purpose. i like to think that i spend some time crafting my poems before i submit them for review. i want the reader to think about what he/she reads/sees/hears. many of my poems are better when read aloud than when scanned, due to the alliteration and assonance i employ. horus8's are best when he speaks them--go to his website and see for yourself. they are immediate and personal; many of the rankers here seem to miss that when reading only his words in plain text on this site. it's a limitation of the form. granted, you have to look pretty hard sometimes to find a meaning in some of the stuff on this site, but many times it's well worth the effort. i read your work, and hey, it's great that you can rhyme, but poetry is much, much more. check it out sometime.
aabba is a swedish band that surged back into popularity with the release of Muriel's Wedding - quite the sad flick. they turned down a billion USD to reform. Now that is a love poem. and this poem is quite clear and the title leaves nothing to the imagination. the first sentence is a base, the end is a point. i shall check out this so called hours fellow in my search for worthiness.
silly me! and i thought (just because i wrote it, i guess) that it was about people searching for meaning, and in the end, finding no one but themselves! duh! now it all comes clear! i bow to your wis-dim, oh surface-staring assessor of subtleties. forgive my impudence.
I don't know how I missed this one before - it doesn't contain your best lines, but the design is ingenious
Very well written. 8/10
no feeling
mostly because that's not what it's about.
285 view(s)
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