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At least while you're gone, things get done. (Villanelle) by Bachus
At least while you're gone, things get done.
Laundry, dishes, and the cupboard faces
Away from dead things you've considered fun.
I clean out the pantry then polish my gun
Day dreaming of you in white see through laces...
At least while you're gone, things get done.
There is no need to panic, no need to run?
I'm carving your name into my arm just in these cases
Away from the dead you have considered fun.
God forgive me when this sweet deed is done
and deliver us from that monster who chases...
At least while you're gone, things get done.
I always knew in the end you should have won
after all, you dealt the deck and held all the aces
Away from the dead things you've considered fun.
You've always been a cold spring like a Mon-
-day with no sun, and a Charlie horse that paces
Away from the dead things you've considered fun.
At least while you're gone, things will get done.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8333335
Weighted score: 6.746386
Overall Rank: 469
Posted: November 3, 2003 1:54 PM PST; Last modified: November 3, 2003 1:54 PM PST
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Comments:
310 view(s)
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I get a kick out of the Mon- /-day line
why not just end it with "[something something ...sun"? then you can stretch the charlie horse line with something (you can do it).
On second thought - keep it, it adds something. Extra points for formed verse.