poemranker ::Life's Work by baughworm

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Free verse № 67088

Life's Work

by baughworm

Member since 2003 · Posted 26 Sep 2003 · 5 comments

“Many spend their entire lives searching for enlightenment, I like to spend my time Leading others away from it.” I received a quite cumbersome Shovel at birth, With which I was to Begin work on my grave Immediately. As of yet I have not started, For the shovel is rather heavy. Instead I used it to plant a tree, In hopes that some poor sod Will be seduced by its leaves and fruits, flowers and abundant bees To pick up a shovel of his own and Start digging.

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mean 7.00 weighted 5.54 rank 2535 views 191 View voting details →

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5 comments

[8] hipster flare 26-Sep-03/11:20 AM Reply
feels as though there should be more. The circular pattern of the shovel is almost predicatable--perhaps you could prolong this with a few more stanzas in between.
[7] Bachus 26-Sep-03/12:42 PM Reply
In the end it begins to show promise.
[n/a] INTRANSIT 26-Sep-03/1:16 PM Reply
cumbersome/heavy-redundant, in fact, lose the not started stanza altogether. and I don't like (poor sod) either. i get the geeling you're trying to end this on a positive note. poor sod doesn't fit. put it back on the lift, and adjust accordingly. whv.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › INTRANSIT 1-Apr-04/9:35 AM Reply
poor sod does fit you massive sod
[9] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 26-Sep-03/4:37 PM Reply
The second verse is quite excellent, but then it got a bit soppy.