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Life's Work (Free verse) by baughworm
“Many spend their entire lives searching for enlightenment, I like to spend my time Leading others away from it.” I received a quite cumbersome Shovel at birth, With which I was to Begin work on my grave Immediately. As of yet I have not started, For the shovel is rather heavy. Instead I used it to plant a tree, In hopes that some poor sod Will be seduced by its leaves and fruits, flowers and abundant bees To pick up a shovel of his own and Start digging.

Up the ladder: (untitled)
Down the ladder: take it easy

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2537
Posted: September 26, 2003 11:05 AM PDT; Last modified: September 26, 2003 11:05 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] hipster flare @ 209.68.66.187 | 26-Sep-03/11:20 AM | Reply
feels as though there should be more. The circular pattern of the shovel is almost predicatable--perhaps you could prolong this with a few more stanzas in between.
[7] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 26-Sep-03/12:42 PM | Reply
In the end it begins to show promise.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 26-Sep-03/1:16 PM | Reply
cumbersome/heavy-redundant, in fact, lose the not started stanza altogether. and I don't like (poor sod) either. i get the geeling you're trying to end this on a positive note. poor sod doesn't fit. put it back on the lift, and adjust accordingly. whv.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.128.136.178 > INTRANSIT | 1-Apr-04/9:35 AM | Reply
poor sod does fit you massive sod
[9] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 195.92.67.68 | 26-Sep-03/4:37 PM | Reply
The second verse is quite excellent, but then it got a bit soppy.
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