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Misgivings (Free verse) by Topaz Servias Through the deception of our lives together
We drift apart as we embrace each other
To someone watching we seem a couple
But to my eyes, the truth is seen.
At times we hate each other with a passion
But still we know we wold never leave
I walk away with words unsaid
While the words that were leave a bitter taste.
Now I look upon our lives
And find that we are worlds apart
To stiffle the feeling of sad regret
I close one door to open another.
With these words I say goodbye
Yet in my heart forever you remain
Know that while I walk away
Around the corner I say your name.
Up the ladder:
Dying In Silk (senryu)
Down the ladder:
Plastic is Forever
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: July 4, 2003 6:07 AM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2003 6:07 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.8333335 Overall Rank: 1615 Comments:
[4]
spank me baby yeah @ 62.105.116.77
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4-Jul-03/7:03 AM
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Reply
A bit saccharin like, its not poo but a bit like the verses in the 50 cent card shops 4
this needs a bit more of you in it, the lack of originality detracts from the feeling you want to get across.
what I do like about this is the rhythm and sonority, even though you don't appear to be explicitly rhyming your words.
An honorable path. A good poem.
sad.
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