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the abandoned sea

Member since 2001 · Posted 8 Jul 2002 · 9 comments

you walked away without breaking the surface every movement you made seemed so close to perfect so what is it that you left behind you dipped your head and cursed the wind looked back at your footprints disappearing in the sand and turned away so what is it that you left behind you said you thought there were too many stars and not enough wishes to take away the scars did you endure so much that you had to leave did you endure so much that you now deny so what is it that you left behind

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mean 6.77 weighted 6.29 rank 883 views 254 View voting details →

13 votes so far. Yours would make 14.13 votes so far

9 comments

[10] psychedelic 8-Jul-02/5:38 AM Reply

hey i can relate... :o)

[9] sapphire_rain7 15-Jul-02/5:10 PM Reply

beautiful poem!

[8] horus8 15-Jul-02/6:18 PM Reply

Everything i couldn't carry in my mind. this is a very good poem

[6] Amelia 25-Jul-02/8:06 AM Reply

This is a nice expression of longing. Good spelling too.

[7] <~> 13-Aug-02/10:05 PM Reply

i think that the repeat works nicely; the crashing rhythm echoing that of it's namesake. the use of the sea as a thief, a receptor of losses--has been done so many times, and i think you used it neatly here, by twisting the metaphor so that taker becomes the one who has lost.

[9] Tarquin De La Bog 14-Aug-02/2:43 AM Reply

I'm a fool for rhetorical questioning! 9. The poem is accessible but deep. Nice choice of words and images.

[10] cherish 25-Oct-03/8:06 AM Reply

what gave you the idea for this--->i love it

[n/a] crin › cherish 25-Oct-03/3:33 PM Reply

i guess it was basically the idea of watching someone you love walk away without them giving you a clue as to the reason.

[10] cherish › crin 26-Oct-03/8:31 AM Reply

i totally know what you mean...been there and done that hahaha