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the abandoned sea (Free verse) by crin you walked away without breaking the surface
every movement you made seemed so close to perfect
so what is it that you left behind
you dipped your head and cursed the wind
looked back at your footprints disappearing in the sand
and turned away
so what is it that you left behind
you said you thought there were too many stars
and not enough wishes to take away the scars
did you endure so much
that you had to leave
did you endure so much
that you now deny
so what is it that you left behind
Up the ladder:
Is it you
Down the ladder:
Mum why are grandmas arms so baggy?
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.769231
Posted: July 8, 2002 1:18 AM PDT; Last modified: July 8, 2002 1:18 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.2934113 Overall Rank: 883 Comments:
[10]
psychedelic @ 66.187.100.238
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8-Jul-02/5:38 AM
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Reply
hey i can relate... :o)
beautiful poem!
Everything i couldn't carry in my mind. this is a very good poem
This is a nice expression of longing. Good spelling too.
i think that the repeat works nicely; the crashing rhythm echoing that of it's namesake. the use of the sea as a thief, a receptor of losses--has been done so many times, and i think you used it neatly here, by twisting the metaphor so that taker becomes the one who has lost.
I'm a fool for rhetorical questioning! 9. The poem is accessible but deep. Nice choice of words and images.
what gave you the idea for this--->i love it
i guess it was basically the idea of watching someone you love walk away without them giving you a clue as to the reason.
i totally know what you mean...been there and done that hahaha
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