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the abandoned sea (Free verse) by crin

you walked away without breaking the surface every movement you made seemed so close to perfect so what is it that you left behind you dipped your head and cursed the wind looked back at your footprints disappearing in the sand and turned away so what is it that you left behind you said you thought there were too many stars and not enough wishes to take away the scars did you endure so much that you had to leave did you endure so much that you now deny so what is it that you left behind

<~> 13-Aug-02/10:05 PM
i think that the repeat works nicely; the crashing rhythm echoing that of it's namesake. the use of the sea as a thief, a receptor of losses--has been done so many times, and i think you used it neatly here, by twisting the metaphor so that taker becomes the one who has lost.




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