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The Eskimo and the fish (Free verse) by INTRANSIT From the safety of a smoky dome
He drags his life through
the whiteness of time.
To auger breifly
into another world
and sit fishing
with intense interest.
Peering into the water
he chants:
Ocean waters deep and cold
what is said is what is told.
I love my life from wife to land
seems but paltry within my hand.
The Inuit retrieves
a spotted char
Then slowly traces
its teeth marked flesh
He chants again:
Small of fish bruised and burled
I wish you well in your hasty world
I asked the oceans deep and cold
your harried life is what they showed.
Then relinquishes it to its home.
Again the empty line descends
and quickly lands
a heartier meal.
The man bundles his tools
and smiles at his catch
and hurriedly returns
to his family
who expect
nothing more.
Up the ladder:
fa11ing
Down the ladder:
Apocalypse
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: December 30, 2002 1:37 PM PST; Last modified: February 15, 2003 4:34 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5729 Comments:
purity at it's finest, almost too pure maybe..it needs a little more line, but barely.
I think the title is mis-leading, this has nothing to do with the relationship between the man and the fish. Find another title. Is this about being a provider, or is this about the freedoms of simplicity?
Freedoms of simplicity" is close. I'll work on another title,maybe. What else can you tell me from this ? Thank you Mrs G.
I really like the first stanza, very witty use of words. I'm probably not qualified to comment to much on the direction of the meaning or the choices you've made, but I enjoyed it, though somehow it seems to be missing something.
actually now that I look at it again, it's the second stanza, not the first, which I like so much,... the first is good, too, though. I'm such a 'wuss'.
There is a lot more in this that needs to be brought out. You've come on the idea of man and his role with nature, as providor and as his own master. Lots to swallow, but somewhere in these is the essence of what you were after.
I know, I know. I'm so frigging close it's killing me! Thanks.
Also, one of your best. Nice show man!.
your intro's are always your strongest asset, the last Stan seems rushed which is a shame for otherwise its a strong piece of lit....7
Good call Mr. P. Iwantedd the ttone to chhange but I see the tempo changed ttoo. When I have time,, as ususal. Thank you.
Clear image of a simpler, and perhaps better life. Thank you. Not to nitpick, but there is a misspelling in the second verse.
hey, intransit.
some questions for you: do inuits chant when fishing? does this scare the fish? because of these nagging thoughts, i have issues with the way you have changed the poem. you have taken something pritine and clear, and thrown sediment into it. the chant is too sentimental, i think. if spiritualistic contemplation is your aim, change "auger" back to "augur", and go from there. your second chant changes him from automaton to thinker, which is not a bad shift, but, i think, shows too much intrusion of mind for a piece that focus on rote. it's a start of a shift, but not an entire shift. okay, the thoughts came out full formed. trim them.
one small spelling error: briefly
Like the connection between auger (to drill the hole into the ice so he can fish, and the idea of AUGUR, soothsaying, and omens. Love how you show the Inuit in 2 worlds at once, the world of spirit and augury, and the physical world, and the connection between the 2. Suggest changing the title to The Inuit and the fish! Favorite lines: whiteness of time (double meaning); GREAT line: "small of fish bruised and burled. Love the last line with its double meaning: "who expect nothing more." Well done. 290 view(s)
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Thanks