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The Eskimo and the fish (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

From the safety of a smoky dome He drags his life through the whiteness of time. To auger breifly into another world and sit fishing with intense interest. Peering into the water he chants: Ocean waters deep and cold what is said is what is told. I love my life from wife to land seems but paltry within my hand. The Inuit retrieves a spotted char Then slowly traces its teeth marked flesh He chants again: Small of fish bruised and burled I wish you well in your hasty world I asked the oceans deep and cold your harried life is what they showed. Then relinquishes it to its home. Again the empty line descends and quickly lands a heartier meal. The man bundles his tools and smiles at his catch and hurriedly returns to his family who expect nothing more.

<~> 4-Mar-03/1:43 PM
hey, intransit.
some questions for you:
do inuits chant when fishing? does this scare the fish? because of these nagging thoughts, i have issues with the way you have changed the poem. you have taken something pritine and clear, and thrown sediment into it. the chant is too sentimental, i think. if spiritualistic contemplation is your aim, change "auger" back to "augur", and go from there.


your second chant changes him from automaton to thinker, which is not a bad shift, but, i think, shows too much intrusion of mind for a piece that focus on rote. it's a start of a shift, but not an entire shift.

okay, the thoughts came out full formed. trim them.




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