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Are You? (Free verse) by NewbieMe Don't you feel like dying?
Don't you feel like wanting to go?
Don't you feel like hating?
Don't you feel like ending it all?
Don't you feel like lying?
Pretend everything's okay?
Don't you feel like dying?
And make it all go away?
[Pondering and wondering. I know almost everyone has felt this way.]
Up the ladder:
Selective Alopecia
Down the ladder:
Loud Taps
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.2857144
Posted: December 13, 2002 7:57 PM PST; Last modified: December 14, 2002 4:53 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.5389576 Overall Rank: 12715 Comments:
[4]
<{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154
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14-Dec-02/12:49 PM
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Reply
has felt. moron.
[n/a]
NewbieMe @ 202.70.101.25
> <{Baba^Yaga}>
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14-Dec-02/4:55 PM
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Reply
Thank you for pointing that out. I will fix that. You must understand something. English is not my native tongue and I am still in the process of learning this language. Good day :)
this is why rimbaud had a tumor on his knee, and i guess why the sun sets regadless of what your native language might be.r
I understand and I have edited the mistake. I just merely offered an explanation on why I had that flaw but I am aiming to improve myself. I just believe that pointing someone's mistake can be said in a better way. There's no need to use insulting words such as moron. Thank you for your thoughts. I will keep it in mind.
Not entirely memorable or original, try and explain the concept of suicide in a less trivial manner. You have to be, or had to be genuinely suicidal to write about suicide and hit people in a way they will think on what you have said. Dont be disheartened through malice in peoples criticism, answer them through your work and silent tongues will deafen you from what you created. Just gather inspiration, never force an emotion let it force you to write.
You write well considering this isn't your native Language. Now onto this poem, It lacks any real emotion. Its just the thoughts that go with suicide. The human thought process is better left in a classroom or a debate forum.
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