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Other № 22244

Stranger

by feathers68

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Oct 2002 · Edited 2 Nov 2002 · 12 comments

There is a stranger in my soul, she resides there with confidence, buried under miles of pain. There is a stranger in my heart, looking out at me, through pain her heart twists and carries on. There is a stranger in the mirror her name is dementia and she doesn't recognise her image and how she got old.

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12 comments

[n/a] Bachus 23-Oct-02/5:06 PM Reply
lol. i think? or you could be the devil? forget about it.
[n/a] feathers68 › Bachus 2-Nov-02/9:56 AM Reply
I think you are not seeing the deeper picture to this poem and that it is about how dementia takes it's tole on the soul.but interesting take on things from your point of view. Are you the devil?
[n/a] daniella › feathers68 2-Nov-02/5:58 PM Reply
meet bacchus. the whirling scurvish of a life gone so sour dog wild with pain he sleeps with the sisters Dementia and Pain.
[7] deleted user 1-Nov-02/8:53 PM Reply
barried -> buried?
Otherwise, well done.
[n/a] feathers68 › deleted user 2-Nov-02/9:57 AM Reply
Cool! thanks for the corection! I am not the best speller in the world. I am hoping to run into a poem of yours.
From Karen/feathers68
[5] New Life Drug 2-Nov-02/5:41 PM Reply
dementia? Oh please
[8] -=SeTTle=- 2-Nov-02/6:48 PM Reply
I have some very sad news to report to you all. Horus8 has smoked himself retarded. His poems and comments might seem a bit confusing from now on.
[n/a] horus8 › -=SeTTle=- 12-Nov-02/12:36 PM Reply
you sir, are a liar...at my incredible rate of thinking and connecting secret invisible filaments to other more highly sensitive and even more secret invisible filaments..do you honestly think it would make a difference how much pot i smoked..maybe by the time your thirty i'll be as stupid as you are smart (we will have met half way) huh! HUH! WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN? ah yeah old poeople with dementia listen..karen is it? if you genuinely are taking care of old people and it's effecting you in a way reminiscent of a mid life crisis, and forcing you to write poetry about the experience...congradulations. if not. you will burn in hell, and i'll be the one to take you there. otherwise..i'm sorry forgive me, go back to your bed pan cleaning and i'll fricken send myself to hell.thankyou for being understanding, and not taking me too seriously, but i will have you know my grandmother raised me. i happen to love old people just as much as pot or sex or anything else important like drinking and making sure the sheep are safe...so. there. what were we talking about again..ah yeah..lunch time!e
[7] deleted user 2-Nov-02/9:44 PM Reply
thematically interesting...it would really pack a punch with more images for the reader...the old "show don't tell" applies....how could you show a confident soul? what image might evoke that? is there a way to show her questioning herself without telling us?
[7] t_t_redhot 3-Nov-02/8:59 PM Reply
Very good. it really tells how we see ourselves when we try to find what we are about.
[5] <~> 4-Nov-02/8:42 AM Reply
why don't you introduce yourself to her?
[7] INTRANSIT 4-Nov-02/12:15 PM Reply
um, stanza 2 was repetetive of stanza 1 I thought. the word "pain" bugged me. Great theme I'd agree, and zzinnia's right too. It'll help deepen your work.