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I am Cuba (Lyric) by cacophony I am Cuba you're the States
You're the limelight on my mistakes
I'm a sprocket spinning round
You're a crank pushing me down
You are the moon and I'm the tide
You pull the strings while I am blind
You're T.D.Jakes. I am your flock
I'm a heart murmur you're like a clock
Up the ladder:
Bowing at the alter ego
Down the ladder:
my goat
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.8333333
Posted: October 15, 2002 11:51 AM PDT; Last modified: October 24, 2002 3:06 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.686235 Overall Rank: 12082 Comments:
[1]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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15-Oct-02/12:34 PM
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Reply
change clock to cock and cuba to Bali. then duck! boom! 1.
Great beginnings. Heart murmur/clock is a terrific metaphor, whether politica, social or personal. The last stanza does not stand up to the intelligence of the first.
Thanks for your comments (Christof also). You are of course right. The last 4 lines were originally 8 which I didn't like so re-did just before I posted. On the spur of the moment I was quite pleased with myself but in the harsh light of day I can see that it doesn't work all that well.
of course he's right, haven't you heard. he's christof.
No! I am Cuba.
Cuba si, yankee no!
I think you should cut the last four lines - 'wrote' just isn't grammatical here and spoils the verse, although you need it for your rhyme - and anyway, the first stanza is really strong on its own.
i still think clock should be cock.
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