I am Cuba

Member since 2002 · Posted 15 Oct 2002 · Edited 24 Oct 2002 · 8 comments

I am Cuba you're the States You're the limelight on my mistakes I'm a sprocket spinning round You're a crank pushing me down You are the moon and I'm the tide You pull the strings while I am blind You're T.D.Jakes. I am your flock I'm a heart murmur you're like a clock

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6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

8 comments

[1] horus8 15-Oct-02/12:34 PM Reply

change clock to cock and cuba to Bali. then duck! boom! 1.

[6] god'swife 15-Oct-02/9:58 PM Reply

Great beginnings. Heart murmur/clock is a terrific metaphor, whether politica, social or personal. The last stanza does not stand up to the intelligence of the first.

[n/a] cacophony › god'swife 17-Oct-02/4:43 AM Reply

Thanks for your comments (Christof also). You are of course right. The last 4 lines were originally 8 which I didn't like so re-did just before I posted. On the spur of the moment I was quite pleased with myself but in the harsh light of day I can see that it doesn't work all that well.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › cacophony 23-Dec-02/4:26 PM Reply

of course he's right, haven't you heard. he's christof.

[8] Nicholas Jones 16-Oct-02/6:43 AM Reply

No! I am Cuba.

[n/a] Tyriana 16-Oct-02/6:46 AM Reply

Cuba si, yankee no!

[7] Christof 16-Oct-02/7:56 AM Reply

I think you should cut the last four lines - 'wrote' just isn't grammatical here and spoils the verse, although you need it for your rhyme - and anyway, the first stanza is really strong on its own.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> 23-Dec-02/2:06 PM Reply

i still think clock should be cock.