| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Bottom (Free verse) by ThoughtfulSoul Being at the bottom is a lonely place
Even when there is people around me
I feel as though not a soul is close
When I'm touched lonliness still reminds me
that its not real and that I'm truly in a dark room
by myself
I hear voices that echo across the dark gloomy walls
but the sound is just coming from the only person that I truly
know is there myself
Up the ladder:
City Streets
Down the ladder:
Answered Prayers
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6
Posted: October 7, 2002 7:23 AM PDT; Last modified: October 7, 2002 7:23 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.8 Overall Rank: 11184 Comments:
[7]
vulcan @ 80.242.3.85
|
7-Oct-02/7:39 AM
|
Reply
I think if you start with"There at the bottom is a lonely place"it would seem as if you're speaking from there.(So the force of personality shall work better in that way).good!I like personally-felt poems.(I had something very much like this esp the end of it!i.e.I understand!)6/8
It is lonely at the bottom. Being lonely means that nothing cna be a comfort. Sometimes having no punctutation is good, but here it isn't.
You need to punctuate and also it should be 'there are people' in line 2. I really do get the impression of your thoughts echoing around though.
Have no fear..it's only a black out while eating at mcdonalds, feel that...there there...hold my mcnuggets.
168 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
