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Breathless.

Member since 2001 · Posted 3 Oct 2002 · 3 comments

I slide between white folds I see myself through moist reflection. I feel hot breath I hear my heart, my ears ringing. Her face is restfull. Her eyes close, reflection lost. A smile starts. My hand is held, sleep comes swiftly. Not how i thought life would be, But now it starts with my wife to be.

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mean 5.56 weighted 5.28 rank 3779 views 113 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

3 comments

[9] vulcan 4-Oct-02/12:42 AM Reply

Well I liked it!except for the last stanza!(I expected you to say "I lost my life in a peaceful dream"!but still the first line of the last stanza is good enough"but now it brings peace, I prefer to be"how do you like it?sorry just a suggestion!7/9

[3] Nicholas Jones 4-Oct-02/7:00 AM Reply

Smell the cliches a mile off. It's nice, but doesn't do it for me. Sexual innuendo gets a bit dull.

[7] horus8 16-Jan-03/9:53 PM Reply

wasn't that special. you're classic seven..why ? because you're luckier than us you bastard. a fine balanced poem.