poemranker ::Frozen Branches by jmalone

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Acrostic № 137841

Frozen Branches

by jmalone

Member since 2006 · Posted 29 Jan 2006 · 4 comments

Feathers and empty nests; realities of wintry seasons, on banks of desperate quests, still frozen for natural reasons. Trees and fallen leaves; omens of colder skies, next to longer sleeves, and truant solar rise. Branches and broken stalks; realities of arctic range, abounding treacherous walks, notwithstanding change, changed by winds of reason, harmonizing nature's season. © By jmalone

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4 comments

[7] Ranger 29-Jan-06/1:32 PM Reply
This works quite well although I'd suggest that if you're going to go for a rhyming scheme, give the poem a definite rhythm - it makes it easier to read aloud. Also, capitalise the start of every line; the beauty of acrostics is being able to instantly see what the vertical column says. Other than that, nicely done - 'truant solar rise' is a lovely line!
[n/a] deleted user 29-Jan-06/3:53 PM Reply
Frozen nut-turds?
[7] ecargo 29-Jan-06/5:19 PM Reply
Good attempt! Maybe you shouldn't give it away in the title though. I like "desperate quests." (Because of explorers? That's how I took it.)

"Abounding" should be banished from poetry, IMO. Maybe "adorning" or something instead (not that you're subject to my biases). "Notwithstanding" doesn't make sense to me here.

I like the idea of acrostics, but sometimes writing to predefined rules can really result in something stilted. Still, fun in a puzzle-like way.
[5] LilMsLadyPoet 31-Jan-06/9:55 AM Reply
I know this is following a format, but the rythm is awkward, to me...and rythm is all-important to me. It just does not flow well, IMO.
notwithstanding> disregarding? in spite of? fighting against? If it is not withstanding change....I am not sure what that means right there, because you go on to say it is changed by winds of reason.