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Frozen Branches (Acrostic) by jmalone Feathers and empty nests;
realities of wintry seasons,
on banks of desperate quests,
still frozen for natural reasons.
Trees and fallen leaves;
omens of colder skies,
next to longer sleeves,
and truant solar rise.
Branches and broken stalks;
realities of arctic range,
abounding treacherous walks,
notwithstanding change,
changed by winds of reason,
harmonizing nature's season.
© By jmalone
Up the ladder:
a poem to a friend
Down the ladder:
Last Night
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: January 29, 2006 1:19 PM PST; Last modified: January 29, 2006 1:19 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7789 Comments:
[7]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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29-Jan-06/1:32 PM
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Reply
This works quite well although I'd suggest that if you're going to go for a rhyming scheme, give the poem a definite rhythm - it makes it easier to read aloud. Also, capitalise the start of every line; the beauty of acrostics is being able to instantly see what the vertical column says. Other than that, nicely done - 'truant solar rise' is a lovely line!
Frozen nut-turds?
Good attempt! Maybe you shouldn't give it away in the title though. I like "desperate quests." (Because of explorers? That's how I took it.)
"Abounding" should be banished from poetry, IMO. Maybe "adorning" or something instead (not that you're subject to my biases). "Notwithstanding" doesn't make sense to me here. I like the idea of acrostics, but sometimes writing to predefined rules can really result in something stilted. Still, fun in a puzzle-like way.
I know this is following a format, but the rythm is awkward, to me...and rythm is all-important to me. It just does not flow well, IMO.
notwithstanding> disregarding? in spite of? fighting against? If it is not withstanding change....I am not sure what that means right there, because you go on to say it is changed by winds of reason. 150 view(s)
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