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Purgatory of Consciousness (Free verse) by crims0ngh0st Beauty lies in my cold blue eyes
Deep somewhere inside
Look too hard you
might fall in
My vast open mind
My heart longs for the touch of
compassion
For the piercing complexities of understanding
Thoughtfulness
astounds me
Empathy reveals me
The tightly wound darkness welcomes me
My
thoughts linger in the night
Waiting for the dawn to enlighten me
Drifting through time and space
Lurking beyond infinity.
Up the ladder:
Words of Wisdom...
Down the ladder:
Maria's ways on how to deal with puberty!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.2105265
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.2479677 Overall Rank: 13182 Comments:
[5]
nentwined @
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16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
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Reply
I like the stoccato ending of "me" on the last lines. Going back from that, "for the piercing complexities of understanding" reads too long as a line, and doesn't flow into the next bit -- some punctuation might help that. I really like "look too hard you might fall in ... My vast open mind" :)
...*wow*...
Sorry?
maybe not.
I've got that game it's better than Devil may cry. (play stat 2) rocks, But nothing beats a couple of stand up pinball games in your playroom.. oh, and tempest.. oh, and foosball.. oh, and a six foot bong, nitros, a couple toungue hits, and forest Gump in three-d (just in case there's no spaghetti westerns on). a moment please for the outlaw Josey whales.f
tightly wound darkness - nice
rest of poem - not nice.
It's a nice poem, but it leaves me wanting punctuation or breaks, something.
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