Replying to a comment on:

Purgatory of Consciousness (Free verse) by crims0ngh0st

Beauty lies in my cold blue eyes Deep somewhere inside Look too hard you might fall in My vast open mind My heart longs for the touch of compassion For the piercing complexities of understanding Thoughtfulness astounds me Empathy reveals me The tightly wound darkness welcomes me My thoughts linger in the night Waiting for the dawn to enlighten me Drifting through time and space Lurking beyond infinity.

nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I like the stoccato ending of "me" on the last lines. Going back from that, "for the piercing complexities of understanding" reads too long as a line, and doesn't flow into the next bit -- some punctuation might help that. I really like "look too hard you might fall in ... My vast open mind" :)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001