DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

pull

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 10 comments

where have all the voices gone? why cant i reach out to her? where has all the laughter gone? where did she pull passion from? i dont know why, but i am empty my tears are dry my heart is broken if she had spoken maybe i could miss her now could feel her now where have all the glances gone? why cant i pull her to me? where have all our whispers gone? where did i pull frailty from? i dont know why, but i am searching my hand is alone my arms are empty if i had spoken maybe she would miss me now would feel me now...

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mean 5.54 weighted 5.53 rank 2622 views 253 View voting details →

28 votes so far. Yours would make 29.28 votes so far

10 comments

[0] anonymous 2-Jul-01/1:08 AM Reply

like the title, but the theme is stale, and there is nothing really unique here to revive it.

[0] anonymous 2-Jul-01/4:51 PM Reply

a sweet sentiment, but I felt the execution lacking. the rhythm is too sing-songy for me.

[0] anonymous 14-Sep-01/8:57 PM Reply

Wow.

[n/a] nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply

the copying seems a bit forced... maybe you could play with it alittle more? Maybe I should go to sleep. My comments are becoming less than useful. :)

[0] anonymous 5-Apr-02/7:04 AM Reply

hhmmm...personally, this poem sounds straight out of junior high. no offense ment, i can tell there is some hurt behind it, and regret, but hurt and regret do not write poems. your reaction to them do. try to step into yourself, stop asking questions, it makes me feel like you've lost the rhythm of the poem, and when you open with them, it throws everything off joint. is this a poem or a lyric? it's hard to tell. maybe try something like this for S1:

i wonder where the voices go,
in the depths of her shadow,
hiding the laughter,
pulling the passion.

and for S3:

she is pulling out the passion, the glances,
where is my pull?
she reminds me of soft whispers, ours.
i have reeled in frailty.

i would also try some punctuation at the ends of the lines, they seem to be missing something as it is.

your poem has some good potential, keep writing!

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-May-02/2:33 PM Reply

Perhaps you pulled frality from a satisfactory!

[9] ifni 16-May-02/5:53 PM Reply

very evocative.

[7] horus8 9-Aug-02/10:43 PM Reply

i enjoy your writing, and the simple ones too. you have impeccable taste. with a well rounded structue. pregnant yet starving.......i ring my bell for another! another, and another i am a poet you are a writer. we are both readers...yes we read...i need to read..you write well..your beak is a fine ceramic your hoof is sure footed...write to live!??

[8] deleted user 12-Oct-03/2:41 PM Reply

The poem is good. Reading it just made me wanna cry. It hits home for many people

[9] hendrimike 7-Nov-04/11:58 AM Reply

ouch! that one hurts...