Poemranker [Replying] Sun Nov 24 04:20:49 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

where have all the voices gone? why cant i reach out to her? where has all the laughter gone? where did she pull passion from? i dont know why, but i am empty my tears are dry my heart is broken if she had spoken maybe i could miss her now could feel her now where have all the glances gone? why cant i pull her to me? where have all our whispers gone? where did i pull frailty from? i dont know why, but i am searching my hand is alone my arms are empty if i had spoken maybe she would miss me now would feel me now...

anonymous

5-Apr-02/7:04 AM

hhmmm...personally, this poem sounds straight out of junior high. no offense ment, i can tell there is some hurt behind it, and regret, but hurt and regret do not write poems. your reaction to them do. try to step into yourself, stop asking questions, it makes me feel like you've lost the rhythm of the poem, and when you open with them, it throws everything off joint. is this a poem or a lyric? it's hard to tell. maybe try something like this for S1:

i wonder where the voices go,
in the depths of her shadow,
hiding the laughter,
pulling the passion.

and for S3:

she is pulling out the passion, the glances,
where is my pull?
she reminds me of soft whispers, ours.
i have reeled in frailty.

i would also try some punctuation at the ends of the lines, they seem to be missing something as it is.

your poem has some good potential, keep writing!

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