anonymous5 Apr 2002

hhmmm...personally, this poem sounds straight out of junior high. no offense ment, i can tell there is some hurt behind it, and regret, but hurt and regret do not write poems. your reaction to them do. try to step into yourself, stop asking questions, it makes me feel like you've lost the rhythm of the poem, and when you open with them, it throws everything off joint. is this a poem or a lyric? it's hard to tell. maybe try something like this for S1:

i wonder where the voices go,
in the depths of her shadow,
hiding the laughter,
pulling the passion.

and for S3:

she is pulling out the passion, the glances,
where is my pull?
she reminds me of soft whispers, ours.
i have reeled in frailty.

i would also try some punctuation at the ends of the lines, they seem to be missing something as it is.

your poem has some good potential, keep writing!