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Free verse № 1188

Synergy

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Member since 2002 · Posted 9 May 2002 · 8 comments

Reflection on time, a day in a life The ease and joy, the absence of strife A lull in the storm, the soul calm and still Impervious to pain imposed without will. The heart feels so light, like soft wind in the trees A harmonious companion, like feathers on the breeze The grace of this moment, the gift of this time An experience of freedom, the feeling? - sublime.

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mean 4.71 weighted 4.74 rank 11692 views 157 View voting details →

17 votes so far. Yours would make 18.17 votes so far

8 comments

[6] anonymous 9-May-02/9:25 AM Reply
nice
[7] nentwined 10-May-02/9:30 AM Reply
strange. this almost feels like a book report, with an allegory here and there and not much ... direct substance. but pretty nonetheless.
[4] deleted user 11-May-02/2:22 AM Reply
The rhyme scheme sounds really imposed and contrived. I think this poem would do much better as free verse or with a more complex and less-frequently-used rhyme scheme.
[6] anonymous 19-May-02/11:06 AM Reply
i recognise the feeling
but feel your poetic voice dowsn't match your perecption; the wisdom of the last line of the first verse is almost lost by being awkwardly expressed. "so" is usually a filler word, as here, and so :-) diminishes the poem. Cd be "my heart feels light, like soft wind.." or even "this heart"

Beginning with a noun phrase is a bit odd, no dynamic, juvenile... but the insight is there.
[0] deleted user 18-Jul-02/5:27 PM Reply
Anything that uses rhyming couplets gets a zero. It comes over as anodyne and banal - the sort of thing that one expects to find in 'The People's Friend' (For those who don't know, 'The Peoples Friend' is a magazine which has been published in Britain for many years, the contents of which are aimed at a readership of nice old ladies.)
[8] deleted user 30-Jul-02/4:31 PM Reply
I liked this.
[4] ==Doylum 23-Aug-02/6:29 PM Reply
Were havin a gang bang were havin a ball were havin a gang bang against the wall
[10] ShaNoN+960317485 20-Nov-03/10:22 AM Reply
u better keep searching, cause me think this gold is mine:o)