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Synergy (Free verse) by searching Reflection on time, a day in a life
The ease and joy, the absence of strife
A lull in the storm, the soul calm and still
Impervious to pain imposed without will.
The heart feels so light, like soft wind in the trees
A harmonious companion, like feathers on the breeze
The grace of this moment, the gift of this time
An experience of freedom, the feeling? - sublime.
Up the ladder:
Snow Coning
Down the ladder:
Frayed Edges
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.7058825
Posted: May 9, 2002 4:35 AM PDT; Last modified: May 9, 2002 4:35 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.740942 Overall Rank: 11710 Comments:
[6]...
anonymous @
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9-May-02/9:25 AM
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Reply
nice
The rhyme scheme sounds really imposed and contrived. I think this poem would do much better as free verse or with a more complex and less-frequently-used rhyme scheme.
i recognise the feeling
but feel your poetic voice dowsn't match your perecption; the wisdom of the last line of the first verse is almost lost by being awkwardly expressed. "so" is usually a filler word, as here, and so :-) diminishes the poem. Cd be "my heart feels light, like soft wind.." or even "this heart" Beginning with a noun phrase is a bit odd, no dynamic, juvenile... but the insight is there.
Anything that uses rhyming couplets gets a zero. It comes over as anodyne and banal - the sort of thing that one expects to find in 'The People's Friend' (For those who don't know, 'The Peoples Friend' is a magazine which has been published in Britain for many years, the contents of which are aimed at a readership of nice old ladies.)
I liked this.
Were havin a gang bang were havin a ball were havin a gang bang against the wall
u better keep searching, cause me think this gold is mine:o)
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