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Fragment (Lyric) by goldfish The lake a cathedral window
Stained by the setting sun
The loon a pensive mourner
Whose requiem now is done
The raft a restless baby
Rocked in gentle arms
The moon a watchful goddess
In a vestry of the stars
The dawn a voice from heaven
Lighting the waves below
Up the ladder:
The MV-perience
Down the ladder:
Barditus Dei
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.173913
Posted: May 7, 2002 9:48 AM PDT; Last modified: May 7, 2002 9:48 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.170785 Overall Rank: 4960 Comments:
[7]
deleted user @
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8-May-02/9:08 PM
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Reply
Nice images, but not a lot beyond that.
a beautiful fragment, but really needs some sort of capping at the end somehow.
u have left things there itself. looks a bit bland, though it tries to be emotive.
pretty, but .. ah yes, you have called it "fragment" .. nothing in there ... pretty moment, no gift. will it tie in with soemthing else??
Normally I hate rhyming poetry, but this is done very unobtrusively, and the metaphors are lovely.
your so intelligent to call this fragment, because it is? pretty though, my problem with poetry like this is that it doesn't lose anything to gain anything...it doesn't take any chances..it's what i would term 'safe' poetry. In other words it wont change the world, but maybe a fragment of the world like the ivory coast? also, because it is missing that last rhyming stanza to push it over the top, you will continue to not get tens, but nines christof. i'm sure some schmuch will come along and be like omg and give it a ten within the next ten minutes, but i feel robbed..totally second placed..wich isn't necessarily bad all the time. i guess.
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