| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Jan-03/5:40 PM |
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I thank you advance for your kind reply.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Jan-03/5:40 PM |
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I thank you advance for your kind reply.
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| Re: To Find the Words by loneshadow29 |
22-Jan-03/12:13 AM |
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Awwwwww. Sweet. Have you run out and fallen in love. Paxil is the secret to success
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| Re: 1969 by w~* ATHENA *~w |
22-Jan-03/12:17 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Jan-03/7:46 AM |
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Sounds like something better suited in a journal, but I see it was a young attempt.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Jan-03/8:01 AM |
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Definitely not in your top ten. "Doom and gloom", "Cuts the silence", "poisons my blood like parasites", "saints and sinners": weak and cliched language.
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| Re: quarantine agenda by crin |
22-Jan-03/8:10 AM |
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| Re: Remember by NinjaPoet |
22-Jan-03/8:24 AM |
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| Re: Broken Tomarrow by DreamMachine |
22-Jan-03/1:15 PM |
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Interesting spelling and use of grammar.
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| Re: Martyr by kawakurdi |
22-Jan-03/1:19 PM |
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Decent read until "Satan pooh-poohed". I wasn't sure what the intended purpose was there: so I just laughed. Sorry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Jan-03/7:05 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/10:24 AM |
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this poem does have some nice lines. but it falls into that voice problem that you so often have. In this you use "you", "We" and "i". Is the we universal? or is it the "you" and "i" combined. It is unclear. And you start the poem out about a "you" who we do not know and the center it around the "i", losing the point of opening with the "you". Plus, why do you have to tell the reader all these things. What does being as real as a toothache have to do with anything? WHO is "WE". Needs work. Needs focus.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/10:27 AM |
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Are you trying to justify why this is so bad by putting the "oh, but I was only a mere lad when I penned this shite?" I was just asking, of course. No hard feelings, eh?
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| Re: Longing by galiana |
28-Jan-03/10:33 AM |
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Great knowledge of adjectives!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/10:44 AM |
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What the hell is mem'ry? Great use of both weak adjectives and cliche. !!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/10:50 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/10:56 AM |
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You used "burning" twice. That is genius. And what a great use of profanity. Keep up the good work!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/1:54 PM |
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Good thing it was just an exercise, huh!
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| Re: Hermes Trigamestus (was not a monk edit) by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
28-Jan-03/2:35 PM |
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Well, at least you still have the day job. Or is it done at night?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Jan-03/2:53 PM |
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This could be really good with some minor work.
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