Re: A Midnight Call by amanda_dcosta	12-Feb-06/12:18 PM
I looked at the clock in the faint moonlight That shone Through the partly open window. It was way past twelve; I scarcely could believe I was in for hallucinations. It beckoned me in firmer tones To get down on my knees. More out of fear not obedience I gave in to its pleas. I prayed five decades of the Holy Rosary And then heard the voice again ‘There is someone out there who needs your prayers And feels My peace flow in.’ It took me a while to go to sleep Feelings of excitement and awe took hold of me. Alas, the day went by and it was almost sunset. I walked down the road and met up with an old friend. I hadn’t met her for a couple of years; And while talking I casually asked her ‘By the way, when is your birthday?’ ‘It’s today!’ she exclaimed! ‘Why do you ask?’ ‘I’ve had the most odd feeling The whole night through I felt that someone was praying for me. And I sat up and prayed a whole Rosary. All the weeks worry that burdened me Seemed to vanish instantly.’ That's your poem, I think.
Re: a comment on Moonlight Paradox Riddle Answered by Glasseyez	10-Feb-06/9:57 PM
The question disappointed me. Can I have my pants back?
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	9-Feb-06/9:22 AM
If I should learn, in some quite casual way, That you were gone, not to return again-- Read from the back-page of a paper, say, Held by a neighbor in a subway train, How at the corner of this avenue And such a street (so are the papers filled) A hurrying man, who happened to be you, At noon today had happened to be killed-- I should not cry aloud--I could not cry Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place-- I should but watch the station lights rush by With a more careful interest on my face; Or raise my eyes and read with greater care Where to store furs and how to treat the hair. - Millay
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/2:11 PM
Zeus, in the form of a swan, raped the half-mortal girl Leda. The child he fathered with her was Helen of Troy. I don't think the standard form is necessarily boring. I definitely don't think it has trouble with modern themes, as long as the rhymes you pick are good and specific to your piece. But I don't want people counting my rhymes instead of being pleasantly surprised by them. Here's a sonnet I used to have here that's more traditional: When we are wed I'll never wake you up when we are wed and I'm just home from closing down the store, the house and bedroom day-warm, dark, and still, your shoes and pants and papers on the floor, an empty bottle, a pack of Marlboro reds haphazard on the sofa-arm and sill - some things I'd tell you, things much better said; but no, I'll never wake you when we're wed. The faith that holds me to you holds me more the less it’s stirred. So sleep, sleep well, until the morning, sleep. I’ll come to bed before you wake and wake you up - though not to tread too loudly now going by the bedroom door, I'll find, is some ungodly act of will.
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/2:01 PM
Ooh, half-right. argyle, bull's eye, clavicle, curl, hobnail, klar (the German word meaning "clear"), obsequious, pat, recount, sea glass, tantrum, whirl The trick to these is using weirder words than the prompt, so the prompt words don't show up. I cut-and-paste news articles for inspiration a lot.
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/11:22 AM
It's one of <~>'s 'How many of these words can you fit in a poem' exercises. I'll give you a Buffalo Head nickel if you can figure out all 12.
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/10:15 AM
That one has fifteen lines. And the rhyme-scheme isn't Petrarchan. Oh, WHY can't I write a good sonnet just ONCE?!!?!?!
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/7:42 AM
Suit yourself.
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	6-Feb-06/4:30 PM
We'd already decided "Code Black" meant explosives, but were at a loss to figure out how they'd reasonably handle it. The 'accidental' Code Black seemed like kind of a cop-out. And unreasonable.
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	6-Feb-06/2:50 PM
There are several typical rhyme-schemes for sonnets, including Shakespearean, Petrarchan and so on. None of them are given much thought these days. The outstanding feature of a sonnet is that it has 14 lines. Most sonnets, almost all of them, in fact, are written in iambic pentameter (10 syllables, bu-BUMP bu-BUMP bu-BUMP bu-BUMP bu-BUMP.) But even that sees a lot of variation nowadays. American poet Nikki Giovanni made a big splash writing "broken sonnets", for example, which used several rhythms and line-lengths. It's not even, as far as I know, currently expected by most people that sonnets rhyme. This one does, of course: ABABCDdEdFGgFF
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	6-Feb-06/2:43 PM
Oh, like every night I get a different anatomical text with funny line-drawings in it, and your poem just happened to remind me of the plot of the one I was reading that night? The tv-show is spelled "Grey's", the text "Gray's". That is only one of several differences between the two.
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	6-Feb-06/12:38 PM
The range of things less-profound than "Code Black" includes all other known things. You are excused, but strongly encouraged to write your next poem about "Code Black", instead of just writing about Blacks.
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	6-Feb-06/12:36 PM
She does. She's got a way with words, for a doctor.
Re: Anonymous Love by Angelicasassy	6-Feb-06/7:54 AM
I'm sure that was rewarding for you, but it reads for us kind of like a pop song. My suggestions are (1) don't ever include anything in a poem that you've already heard or read before ever, and that includes your first line. Aren't there more original things to tell your guy to do? Yes, there are. (2) An easy way to frame a poem that's coming out cliche so it doesn't seem cliche is to change its perspective. Rather than writing it as an address to a guy, make it about two other people - say, Angela and Steve. Make them a lot like you. Think of what their predicament means in the larger picture. One of the advantages of this method is that it makes it less embarrassing to read in public. You're going to be tempted to say here, But I'm just writing for myself and how I feel. Don't. We're nice people here and want to read your poem. Consider how we feel reading this. Do we relate? Do we feel kind of like we would seeing two people be mushy in public? What would interest and provoke us? As a guy, I can tell you, that's what would interest and provoke your guy, too. (3) Add details. Lots. People think the more universal a poem is, the more impact it has. Usually the opposite is true. My idea of a really great poem - say, "Dover Beach" - is about something I've never done; that is, sat in a house on Dover Beach at night. Here ( http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123570 ) is another really good poem that I relate to, but which has little to do with my own experience. That's the idea. (4) Lastly, don't ever include ellipses ("...") in your poem. That's easy to fix. Almost any punctuation works in the same way. Also, putting stanza breaks for pauses works. Anyway, sorry about blabbering all over your poem. Welcome to poemranker. Hope this helped.
Re: Idle Time by Angelicasassy	6-Feb-06/7:33 AM
A lot of extra words here. I'd start by dropping almost all the adjectives. Or changing them so they surprise us. Otherwise, good enough.
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/7:31 AM
"Not again."
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/7:30 AM
That's 5 syllables. What a shame.
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/7:30 AM
"We are like" doesn't mean any of those things, sorry.
Re: An Understanding Woman by Dovina	5-Feb-06/8:54 PM
This is an exact description of tonight's "Grey's Anatomy".
Re: I'm there by amanda_dcosta	5-Feb-06/8:53 PM
I like it.