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Idle Time (Free verse) by Angelicasassy
I used to swim in the ocean, a thousand years ago, when mermaids were around. opaque colors of mystical blue, a swish and then gone. It made me blink, it made me smile. my own little miracle. I used to run races in the hilly mountains, the hare and the tortoise had nothing on me, speed was a vehicle made for my legs only, fastest on earth. Molecules of air were on a first name basis, with me and God. I used to laugh with my heart open, embracing the world and all that went along with it, a billion entities circling my aura, happy to be loved. I sit and stare out my window now, remembering nothing.

Up the ladder: The Bed I Made
Down the ladder: After The Years Howl By

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.0794687
Overall Rank: 6472
Posted: February 5, 2006 10:18 PM PST; Last modified: February 5, 2006 10:18 PM PST
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Adriaan

Comments:
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.9.218 | 6-Feb-06/7:33 AM | Reply
A lot of extra words here. I'd start by dropping almost all the adjectives. Or changing them so they surprise us. Otherwise, good enough.
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 6-Feb-06/9:28 AM | Reply
Okay, nicely descriptive although a little simple (sorry, that sounds harsh - it's not meant to). I'd love to see you use more in the way of metaphor; see what other people write and experiment as you go. Keep at it though, this is a better start than most (including mine...)
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