| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-02/8:42 AM |
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lovely and fallen. have a 9.
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| Re: untitled2 by PunchMeInTheFace |
6-Nov-02/8:48 AM |
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the ending is very very disappointing. there is nothing new here. the chasing frogs was new. years passed but not lived is stale. take the linebreaks back out. then people won't read it and be disappointed by it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-02/8:50 AM |
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| Re: Never Alone at Night by Limness |
7-Nov-02/6:54 AM |
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| Re: Some Things by Christof |
7-Nov-02/8:44 AM |
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beautiful! it's a good thing you're across the pond indeed, christof.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-02/10:58 AM |
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the origami rabbit is a metaphor to end all metaphors. kudos. have a 10.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-02/11:00 AM |
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why am i disappointed by this one? maybe because i read 'the twisted' first. still there seems something overdone, even though most of it is 'dead'-on.
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| Re: People by sav876 |
7-Nov-02/11:01 AM |
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how old are you? grow up.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-02/11:08 AM |
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this is so casual at first, and then the pain comes on hard. with work, this could pierce the heart.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-02/11:10 AM |
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"Unwelcoming waters that served no purpose/But which were something one could watch." this does not fit. the poem has a mgic to it; in verbosity, you drain that quality away. see about paring it down some more.
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| Re: VINTAGE by bonsaimirror |
7-Nov-02/12:14 PM |
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and wine turns to vinegar when exposed to air.
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| Re: i am genius personified by bondjedi |
7-Nov-02/12:15 PM |
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i never calimed to be a genius. if i were one, and i had written this, i would have omitted the hypen; it is not clever. and so, i shall rank you and in so doing, also rank myself.
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| Re: Cantos part mmx (The Mud Poem) by bondjedi |
7-Nov-02/12:17 PM |
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such a voyage of discovery! i like my early morning exploits much more than the ones you write of. to each his own, though.
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| Re: Of the opposition. Zipcode graffitti by Bachus |
7-Nov-02/12:25 PM |
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i'm calling you on this one. fess up. NOW-uh!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-02/12:31 PM |
i don't like the 'on layaway' part. personal opinion. i think it cheapens an otherwise very well written piece.
also, the final five lines do not sit as well as they could with the rest of the poem. it is near perfect, so they bother me. if it was crap, like it could so easily have been, given the subject, i probably wouldn't care enough to mention it.
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| Re: Hve you ever..... v2 by INTRANSIT |
8-Nov-02/1:45 PM |
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this feel like it wants to be 'may the road always rise to meet you' in flavor, but it's too uneven. needs more cohesive structuring, and less fragmented thinking. make it more lyrical, if that is the effect you were going for...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Nov-02/8:56 PM |
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beautiful in its hesitance. "my stain, my son." and "a muzzle cold and fine to the hand" the decision wrapped in ambiguity is magnificent here. schwing!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Nov-02/8:57 PM |
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pretty pretty pretty, kitty. have some valerian and a nice nap.
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| Re: (no title) by savagelymakeitcount |
8-Nov-02/9:05 PM |
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this feels like a lyric, but wears a little thin at the end.
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| Re: Determination by Birdman42s |
9-Nov-02/2:33 PM |
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you lose the rhythm in the last stanza
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