on Drops of Pain by PoeticOne
3 Aug 2005, 11:39 PM
I like the general concept.. maybe just look it over again and see if you can wrap it up and put some finishing touches on this master piece.... peace
Penny
Penny
on In My Words by RGSsparky
3 Aug 2005, 11:36 PM
cool... just spit those words out and smash them against a rock and see what ya get .. cute very cute
Penny
Penny
on The Shape of Shadows by MacFrantic
1 Aug 2005, 11:47 AM
I really really like this
V1:
Inside of us all
A lingering loneliness
After the fall
I'm sure it will find us
Of this I'm...
Breaking away
Finding a darker place [FINDING A DARKENED PLACE]
Finding some shade where I can
Rest my head and rest my anger
Chorus:
You know it's true
The truth that makes my blood turn black
You know it's true
And if I could I'd give the truth right back [I LOVE THESE 2]
Finding all the broken corners
Where you left us all behind
To save yourself
From the darkness
The shape of shadows in your mind
V2:
Lead me today
Follow the road that cuts my heels
Far and away
I'm sure we'll escape now
Of this I'm...
Lying in silence
Fearful of sight and pain[FEARFUL OF MY INVASIVE PAIN]
Finding the point where all these
Ghosts came from to walk in my dreams [ THIS NEEDS A LITTLE WORK IT DOESN'T FLOW WELL]
SEARCHING FOR THE POINT,
ALL THESE GHOSTS INVADED OR CRASHED MY DREAMS
hope I could help.. this was very good
Penny
V1:
Inside of us all
A lingering loneliness
After the fall
I'm sure it will find us
Of this I'm...
Breaking away
Finding a darker place [FINDING A DARKENED PLACE]
Finding some shade where I can
Rest my head and rest my anger
Chorus:
You know it's true
The truth that makes my blood turn black
You know it's true
And if I could I'd give the truth right back [I LOVE THESE 2]
Finding all the broken corners
Where you left us all behind
To save yourself
From the darkness
The shape of shadows in your mind
V2:
Lead me today
Follow the road that cuts my heels
Far and away
I'm sure we'll escape now
Of this I'm...
Lying in silence
Fearful of sight and pain[FEARFUL OF MY INVASIVE PAIN]
Finding the point where all these
Ghosts came from to walk in my dreams [ THIS NEEDS A LITTLE WORK IT DOESN'T FLOW WELL]
SEARCHING FOR THE POINT,
ALL THESE GHOSTS INVADED OR CRASHED MY DREAMS
hope I could help.. this was very good
Penny
on she sits back and judges me by hendrimike
1 Aug 2005, 11:35 AM
maybe needs a little more descriptive wording to get a really good mental picture
penny
penny
on Life is not serious by daggatolar
1 Aug 2005, 11:33 AM
wow, so true how many blame God first then other people places and things... forgiveness is the way to heaven? makes one think about the bitterness eating at the hearts of many indiviguals.. great
Penny
Penny
on writers block by Jesus' Pedometer
1 Aug 2005, 11:25 AM
lol...we are all there some deeper then others.. let each word flow till they fill the page
Penny
Penny
on More drugs. by darby pyn
1 Aug 2005, 11:22 AM
oh I hope that you are not talking from experience.. but if you are this is very vivid and very emotional.. been there on the other side of the fit and I no it's no fun actually it's pretty scary stuff.. but well done in description!
Penny
Penny
Penny