Re: a comment on Never Ending Cycle by ingwa |
25-May-05/12:05 PM |
Thanks for the suggestions nentwined...they are certainly being considered and taken on board. I'm sure the pearl is there, trouble at the moment is finding it :)
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Re: a comment on Rock of the Earth by ingwa |
24-May-05/4:58 PM |
Okay Nentwined, I'm certainly going to follow your advice. Perhaps I'm too caught up in how my work is at the moment instead of looking about more. Something definately worth improving. I will leave my posting for a while and come back to it some time in the future. Thank you once again for your comments, I do appreciate them.
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Re: a comment on Rock of the Earth by ingwa |
24-May-05/4:32 PM |
Interesting comment. How about I take the second stanza out? The second one does seem longwinded.
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Re: a comment on Never Ending Cycle by ingwa |
24-May-05/3:37 PM |
DoubleU, thank you so much for the guidance you have provided here. Yes, I do not enjoy hyphenated words too much, but couldn't really think of decent alternatives at the time. I had a mild case of writers block, so was edged on by a good writing friend of mine. It's good constructive criticism that I enjoy and do certainly appreciate it. I'm off now to clear my mind, read it and read it and read it, and then see what can be done about improving it. Thanks again.
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Re: a comment on Rock of the Earth by ingwa |
24-May-05/2:16 PM |
Intransit and DoubleU, I certainly do appreciate your comments and tips on how to improve my writing. I am starting to put it to practice so will hopefully be able to repost some of my work soon :) Thanks for all your input.
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Re: a comment on Rock of the Earth by ingwa |
22-May-05/2:50 PM |
Richa, thank you for your very welcome comments. I appreciate your reference to the first stanza that gone by repeated twice doesn't quite fit. I will have to work on that. What would you recommend that I do to improve the rhythm? I haven't been writing for too long and it would be nice to crack this perfectly. Mark
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Re: a comment on Just a perfect day (Haiku) by ingwa |
19-May-05/1:47 AM |
Intransit, thank you very much for your kind words. I'm pleased you enjoyed and thanks for reading.
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Re: a comment on Bush Fire by ingwa |
17-May-05/3:02 PM |
Dovina, thank you for your enlightening comment. I wrote this poem one afternoon picturing one of the many scenes left after very destructive and rampant bush fires. When I read it, it appeared to lack just a little something but I wasn't too sure. I am now and rather like the sample that you have so kindly left. I hope you don't mind, but I was hoping you would please consider the following:
Risks always presented
By natures hand or not
Catches you off guard
Surprises never far
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Re: a comment on The Awesome One by ingwa |
17-May-05/2:17 PM |
Hello again Dovina. Thanks for reading once again. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't quite enjoy this poem and I am concerned that there are grammatical errors. Would you possibly share these with me so that I can improve this write? I appreciate all comments and feel that good constructive criticism is very helpful.
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Re: a comment on Panthera pardus by ingwa |
17-May-05/2:11 PM |
Hi Dovina, thank you for the welcome and for reading my poem. I have edited this poem to fit your very welcome comments and unfortunately had to loose your vote. I appreciate the input that you have provided, and yes, you to he does sound a bit odd. I hope that the changes have improved it. In regards to a title, what would you recommend? The title is latin for leopard, but it could be something else. Thanks again for reading.
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