What I wanted to show is how you can fold back the poem to it openings line. You don't even have to change your own version if you really don't want to, just add some sort of reference to that person in the first line.

And I once received a rockmage 10, which I consider as bogus as the zeros. Without an explanation, a vote is worthless in my sordid opinion.

No,no; I received a Rockmage 7. I had it framed. The Zero is an award with a leaden weight. According to the granter it means that the poem totally failed as a poem. That's a quite drastic conclusion. Some poets might disagree. I would say, it's an obligation to come up with some sort of explanation. On the other hand, why explain anything to people who you consider total non-poets?

No, really! It's a good question and one you should answer. I don't see how any captive or seized property is redeemed by paying money or complying with other demands. And DoubleU's revision below is perfect in its first verse. From there it slides a bit. But I think you need to pay closer attention to the comments. I'll admit that the votes you got on this are very low, mine included, and I'm beginning to see you might be a better poet than we first thought, so please ransom yourself with some thoughtful answers to DoubleU and Cristof.

If my comment was considerably "nasty", then you have some serious reality to wake up to. If anything was particularly bullish and outstanding, it was the comment that is presently being responded to. If you knew what the word slake truly meant then you would realize it has nothing to do with liquid in the context of my poem, which utilizes its alternate meaning quite well. If you have to pick up a dictionary while you are writing YOUR poetry, then I suggest that you put down your finger paints and use words that you have actual knowledge of. I bet you use a thesaurus as well...you intolerable, mindstarving, study-case shell of a poet.

Don't worry about rockmage. His voting average is 5.6 on all of his 2637 votes, but of his most recent 500 votes, all have been zeros except 4. I don't know what's come over him, but if we keep jabbing, maybe he'll break silence and tell us.

Why do you have to be so nasty? I was not in any way rude to you in my criticism, I was trying to help. Why are you putting up poetry if you don't want an honest opinion about it? I'll give you an honest opinion. I don't give a fuck about your stupid little vampire brat, she can go fuck herself with a three-foot stake. Your word usage is painfully pretentious, I'm trying to help you see that so people can understand the meaning of your poetry without vomiting. The word slake suggests something liquid, and birds of down cannot conceivably do that. So you could use another word, such as "eased" . Have you tried cracking open a dictionary every once in a while? Shit, man....

I meant in terms of structure. (Old-fashioned) poetry is balanced poetry, it has a rhythm. Reading it should give you the feeling that you are swept away in a dance. Not necessarily a romantic waltz! To me the perfect poem is the poem that blends traditional form with experimentalism. You more or less did such in your poem because stanza's 3-4-5 leave the harmonious form and turn into a report of an almost casual talk between two people. But it's the casual conversation that does not appeal to me. I'm not at my very best right now, sorry if I ramble.

at 3 am

Hmmm...thanks

I have already given my interpretation of the poem. Either you did not read it or you consider in inadequate. In either case it is what I was thinking when I wrote it. To say that nobody, not even me, can say for sure what my poems mean, is only partly true. I have a meaning in mind when I write them, sometimes two or more intentionally ambiguous meanings, but that does not prevent people from finding other meanings.

Not sure what you mean by compositor(i)al harmony or harmony of the old-fashioned kind. I'll admit to personal nostalgia in this that may be understandibly nonunderstandazble. Guess I'm hoping for a few snagged commonalities here and there.

The One, by the way, is not because of the subject but because you wrote down a memory and that's all you did. The reason there is no poetry, no 'shock' in it, is because you didn't take enough distance from yourself. It sounds a contradiction, but for generating reader's sympathy (with this subject or any other subsequents), stepping back and looking at yourself from a distance is necessary. I see what you tried to bring about: to shock through ways of directness and simplicity. Sometimes it works, but not here. At least, it doesn't work with me. <<and in my innocence I followed>> I now realise that your poem may leave something truly horrible unsaid: rape. Believe me, I wouldn't snigger at that. But don't expect me to draw that conclusion from a poem that fails to communicate emotionally.