Re: a comment on Ransom by windyone	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	20-May-05/1:28 PM
What I wanted to show is how you can fold back the poem to it openings line. You don't even have to change your own version if you really don't want to, just add some sort of reference to that person in the first line.
Re: a comment on Blue Executioner by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	20-May-05/1:16 PM
And I once received a rockmage 10, which I consider as bogus as the zeros. Without an explanation, a vote is worthless in my sordid opinion.
Re: a comment on Blue Executioner by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	20-May-05/1:12 PM
No,no; I received a Rockmage 7. I had it framed. The Zero is an award with a leaden weight. According to the granter it means that the poem totally failed as a poem. That's a quite drastic conclusion. Some poets might disagree. I would say, it's an obligation to come up with some sort of explanation. On the other hand, why explain anything to people who you consider total non-poets?
Re: a comment on Ransom by windyone	Dovina 69.175.32.185	20-May-05/1:10 PM
No, really! It's a good question and one you should answer. I don't see how any captive or seized property is redeemed by paying money or complying with other demands. And DoubleU's revision below is perfect in its first verse. From there it slides a bit. But I think you need to pay closer attention to the comments. I'll admit that the votes you got on this are very low, mine included, and I'm beginning to see you might be a better poet than we first thought, so please ransom yourself with some thoughtful answers to DoubleU and Cristof.
Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson	Enkidu 204.98.2.23	20-May-05/1:05 PM
I do not feel, presently, like explaining myself. *7*
Re: a comment on Talia Eternal by Enkidu	Enkidu 204.98.2.23	20-May-05/1:01 PM
If my comment was considerably "nasty", then you have some serious reality to wake up to. If anything was particularly bullish and outstanding, it was the comment that is presently being responded to. If you knew what the word slake truly meant then you would realize it has nothing to do with liquid in the context of my poem, which utilizes its alternate meaning quite well. If you have to pick up a dictionary while you are writing YOUR poetry, then I suggest that you put down your finger paints and use words that you have actual knowledge of. I bet you use a thesaurus as well...you intolerable, mindstarving, study-case shell of a poet.
Re: Ransom by windyone	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	20-May-05/12:49 PM
The first two lines are quite telling, actually. I better not react without thinking it over well. Somehow past en present do not interlink, Windyone. Somebody's crying which triggers off your own (let's personalize this for the moment) experience from long ago, but you do not explain the other person -the cause of your reverting back in time- any further, which leaves the poem sort of unfinished. Do you mind if I try to tackle this? If you do, I can always delete it again. Your cries, echoes of mine from long ago He was my friend he said long ago and not so His words gotta show you something and I followed my innocence and him into the room, uninhabitated for so long but not forgotten My words fail, hear me crying for you
Re: a comment on Blue Executioner by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	20-May-05/12:36 PM
Don't worry about rockmage. His voting average is 5.6 on all of his 2637 votes, but of his most recent 500 votes, all have been zeros except 4. I don't know what's come over him, but if we keep jabbing, maybe he'll break silence and tell us.
Re: To Making Do by Dovina	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	20-May-05/12:28 PM
Great, except I don't think you need the "I said" in the frist line of the 3rd stanza. Its pretty self-explanitory.
Re: a comment on Talia Eternal by Enkidu	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	20-May-05/12:26 PM
Why do you have to be so nasty? I was not in any way rude to you in my criticism, I was trying to help. Why are you putting up poetry if you don't want an honest opinion about it? I'll give you an honest opinion. I don't give a fuck about your stupid little vampire brat, she can go fuck herself with a three-foot stake. Your word usage is painfully pretentious, I'm trying to help you see that so people can understand the meaning of your poetry without vomiting. The word slake suggests something liquid, and birds of down cannot conceivably do that. So you could use another word, such as "eased" . Have you tried cracking open a dictionary every once in a while? Shit, man....
Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson	Dovina 69.175.32.185	20-May-05/11:56 AM
I hate to disturb a perfectly symmetrical voting pattern, so I'll just say that it's still a pretty good poem and better with the changes and just can't figure out rackmage these days.
Re: Transition by INTRANSIT	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	20-May-05/7:55 AM
Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	20-May-05/6:37 AM
Have an Alexander Hamilton.
Re: a comment on To Making Do by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-May-05/8:10 PM
I meant in terms of structure. (Old-fashioned) poetry is balanced poetry, it has a rhythm. Reading it should give you the feeling that you are swept away in a dance. Not necessarily a romantic waltz! To me the perfect poem is the poem that blends traditional form with experimentalism. You more or less did such in your poem because stanza's 3-4-5 leave the harmonious form and turn into a report of an almost casual talk between two people. But it's the casual conversation that does not appeal to me. I'm not at my very best right now, sorry if I ramble.
Re: a comment on Ransom by windyone	windyone 63.245.189.142	19-May-05/7:45 PM
at 3 am
Re: a comment on Ransom by windyone	windyone 63.245.189.142	19-May-05/7:44 PM
Hmmm...thanks
Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	19-May-05/6:56 PM
I can't get over -birds of down-. Incredible.
Re: a comment on Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	19-May-05/6:17 PM
I have already given my interpretation of the poem. Either you did not read it or you consider in inadequate. In either case it is what I was thinking when I wrote it. To say that nobody, not even me, can say for sure what my poems mean, is only partly true. I have a meaning in mind when I write them, sometimes two or more intentionally ambiguous meanings, but that does not prevent people from finding other meanings.
Re: a comment on To Making Do by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	19-May-05/6:08 PM
Not sure what you mean by compositor(i)al harmony or harmony of the old-fashioned kind. I'll admit to personal nostalgia in this that may be understandibly nonunderstandazble. Guess I'm hoping for a few snagged commonalities here and there.
Re: a comment on Ransom by windyone	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-May-05/5:37 PM
The One, by the way, is not because of the subject but because you wrote down a memory and that's all you did. The reason there is no poetry, no 'shock' in it, is because you didn't take enough distance from yourself. It sounds a contradiction, but for generating reader's sympathy (with this subject or any other subsequents), stepping back and looking at yourself from a distance is necessary. I see what you tried to bring about: to shock through ways of directness and simplicity. Sometimes it works, but not here. At least, it doesn't work with me. <<and in my innocence I followed>> I now realise that your poem may leave something truly horrible unsaid: rape. Believe me, I wouldn't snigger at that. But don't expect me to draw that conclusion from a poem that fails to communicate emotionally.