Re: Endurance by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.3	10-Jul-05/10:27 PM
Not good.
Re: Almost Persuaded by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.3	10-Jul-05/10:03 PM
I don't get the connection between "world spinning" (positive) and "uniformity" (negative). Just a nitpick. You probably meant "spinning" like 'dizzy and disoriented'. That's fine, it's just not the first meaning I got. Q: Does it take more work to keep an already-spinning world spinning or to stop it? Please include any relevant charts and diagrams in your answer. PS-Ace rhyme. Really.
Re: a comment on Damned by darby pyn	zodiac 212.118.19.3	10-Jul-05/10:00 PM
I don't think the psychotic compulsion is to kill; I think the compulsion is to see things dead. Discuss.
Re: When my place is placeless by Prince of Void	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.18.104	9-Jul-05/11:30 PM
meh.
Re: a comment on Endurance by Dovina	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.18.104	9-Jul-05/11:26 PM
who know? you should.
Re: Slice Open My Body by TLRufener	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.18.104	9-Jul-05/11:25 PM
I would change the first two lines a little. I'd write something like "I'd tell you to slice open my body and tear out my heart, but you already have."
Re: Lover by Dental Panic	edpeterson 68.79.53.124	9-Jul-05/8:18 PM
I think this is excellent
Re: a comment on Endurance by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	9-Jul-05/5:22 PM
I see.
Re: a comment on Endurance by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	9-Jul-05/4:45 PM
Not so private raelly. Paper birds are made by folding paper. They don't really sing or smile but they could have words written on them in a singing or smiling voice, perhaps a wrong sentence, an intended song that instead scratched his neck, who knows?
Re: Endurance by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	9-Jul-05/4:40 PM
I'm in the dark. It seems a very private thing to me, with strange imagery.
Re: Lover by Dental Panic	Dovina 69.175.32.185	9-Jul-05/4:36 PM
It's better now, clearer. Still, the timing of your posting and the tube, river, therain and all implies the London bombings. Then why is it called Lover? And why is it bad luck that he was not on the train that was bombed? Maybe he avoided the train disaster only to get on the bus to be blown up. It's not clear.
Re: a comment on Lover by Dental Panic	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	9-Jul-05/4:28 PM
I’ve made some changes. I think it’s a bit more clear now. I’m still not satisfied though. The part about the bus is important to me. There’s got to be some element of choice in the whole thing.
Re: a comment on JUST A FEW by rbooey	rbooey 82.42.64.158	9-Jul-05/11:23 AM
how petty do you want to be,who cares if the letters are big or small ,you're probably the only one who has noticed,you nasty,nitpicking little shit.
Re: a comment on JUST A FEW by rbooey	Dovina 69.175.32.185	9-Jul-05/10:55 AM
Not when you say what you don't mean and write everything in big letters as if it's more important that way. Mum has to be a name for your mother, and after rambling repeatatively, using three times as many words as needed, about how you miss her, then in the last line you say about your mother, "He's taken from my life. Geeeeees!
Re: a comment on Almost Persuaded by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	9-Jul-05/10:36 AM
"ambling"? I almost said, “someone’s ambling.” But that makes it sound too much like belief in God. The idea is to show a person who is almost persuaded to believe in God. And in a way, Gen. Patton calmly surveying the battlefield is a good image for God – calm, in control, confident. Thanks for the comment.
Re: Almost Persuaded by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	9-Jul-05/9:11 AM
If you make a vague poem people will get different meanings from it. I like that I can give this my own meaning. I like the switch from possitivity to negetivity at the end. But "ambling"? Although with alot of thought I see how you might be going for the Gen. Patton type image calmly surveying the battlefield. I think it just tends to come across as a fancy word for walking for most. Try some other words. The second verse just needs a little tweeking. It's pretty good Though.
Re: JUST A FEW by rbooey	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	9-Jul-05/8:27 AM
I could give my opinion but the only opinion that matters about this poem is your MUM's. And if somewhere out there she say's it's GREAT then who the hell am I to argue.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	9-Jul-05/8:11 AM
I see now. Good point. Thanks D.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	9-Jul-05/8:03 AM
I did not call that person a sadistic fuck. I only said if you weren't affected somehow emotionally by what happen in Rwanda then you are probably a sadistic fuck. In reply to this comment. "And if it did not affect you, eleven years ago, this poem certainly will not change that." I'm sure DP wasn't implying that Rwanda didn't effect him/her but the comment just plain sounded ridiculous. I'm not pissed about anything. Some liked it some didn't. So what. I was only explaining to you the reasons I wrote this poem the way that I did. If I posted the the suggestion mentioned "Rwanda" It would be a perfect poem for you because every thought that followed it would be yours. But I didn't write it for you so it consists of more words. Most of which you apparently don't appreciate. And that's OK with me. Resentment was the fuel behind this poem not sadness. The point of all poetry or in that case all art forms is to make an unforgetable impression on people. Few succeed in doing this but it is still the goal. This poem certainly has flaws. It's rythm overpowers the words in some places for instance. It was meant to be a little like a stumbling march and I can see how that can make it sound less emotional. I'm sure you write both good and bad poems for yourself. Do you strive to write the bad ones? Then why imply that I do. You think the poem's bad. I think it has some merit. I concede it has it's flaws. Niether one of us is right. We only have opinions. Others have and will read the poem and think it's great. Let's not assume that they are either morons or geniuses but that they too have a valid opinion. If this poem is so bland and meaningless to you then for god sakes man let it go. Forget about it. Walk away. I sincerely appologize for wasting any of your time and I pray that any more of my posts don't cause you anymore unneeded suffering. I think your a good poet and very insightful but sometimes people just disagree.
Re: a comment on JUST A FEW by rbooey	rbooey 82.42.64.158	9-Jul-05/4:14 AM
it dosn't take much to lose you ,does it.