Dovina
replying on How Angels Sleep by Dovina
24 Aug 2005, 8:19 AM
re: âNot to drag this on any furtherâ Fine. But dressed as an angel, you might understand.
I'll try to explain but it's hard. The ancient Summa had this philosophy of creation that said in order for nothingness to exist there must be the possibility for nothing to exist. Since this particular nothing exists on an infinite scale possibility in and of itself must also be infinite. Infinite possibility = infinite potential. The paradoxical conflict between nothingness and possibility is supposed by the Summum philosophy to cause a chain reaction of negative and positive forces. Voila. Big bang.
I have my suspicions about this idea but it sounds to me like they might be close to what the real answer is.
You got any ideas? I'd be happy to hear them.
love the beginning. but goes from charming to pretentious right around 'erudite'
Not your box. Saha's. Now, go ahead, ALChemy, chime in. I know you want to. I'm listening.
Pretentious? no. Precocious? No. Polyglot? YUP! But so is Pound. Now, what is it about non american/ english poetry that many poets feel is superior? Yes I'm Pounding again. I really don't care to continue writing the tripe I have been but being an O>T>R driver makes it difficult to get any kind of education. So I'm stuck in a difficult do-it-yourself place. Suggestions?
Yes and no. When I look for the ass/all modes I find and hear them. When I don't, It sounds like a negative book/movie review.
Probably the most strange combination I've seen to date.
Sometimes talking is overrated
Drop the comma after week and it's the best first verse I've seen lately. Stanza 3's good too. The rest could use work. Here are some directions to take it:
1) What can a poem this long talk about besides the guy was a jerk, at least the kids have great me? Possibilities: the real emotion of a guy leaving, even if he wasn't that great; the empty side of the bed; small bits of human contact.
2) I'd like to have the following commandment for all poetry engraved: Thou shalt not sound reproachless. Thou shalt at least leave some tension surrounding whether the narrator's really a great guy (or girl) or not. Also whether or not the narrator's really on the right track or not. Thou shalt at least leave some room for doubt, lest lightning striketh your unhumble head. Like in the one I just posted: The guy's got some sensitivity problems, leaving his house and fucking women like that. And he might not even be so right about things. Maybe he is, but there's a give-and-take, see what I mean?
-9 for the first and third stanzas-
Rivers of cataracts is kind of funny, since in the most obvious sense of the word it's practically the same thing. Yes, I know about the less-obvious sense of the word. Not worth the cuteness, says I. But then, I did just post one where the ears she boxes are rabbit-ears, so who am I to talk?
Would you consider dropping the air-quotes around comfortable? I think the irony is obvious enough without. Then adding a period and dropping "as" from the next line. Yes, I've a personal thing with "as", and it seems to me like if you're telling a story, like you are, then it's kind of understood that things are happening at the same or almost-same time.
That's about it. This is one of the best of yours I've read.
Hey, you pulled off the slang! Great!
But... some archaicky and/or highfalutin talk:
"graced", "lent", "rival ivies", "unchanging", "pallid jealousy", "masked behind bold gossip", "blessed blasphemy" (minus extra for the unnecessary diacritic.)
It's not that I have a problem with highfalutin as such. Lord knows I highfalute as much as anyone. But it's just so... STYLIZED, you know? I mean, what does it mean for a thing to grace you with something? Or who thinks statues are really unchanging anymore? Nothing and nobody, except in the kinda-removed language of old poesie. I doubt even Pope ever felt really GRACED by something in his long damp life. It's just what you say something does when you need to make it do something in a poem. Or it's like trying to write folksy/bluegrass music (which I do a lot). At some point you're not originating, you're just writing what bluegrass is supposed to sound like - the forms. Not art but a museum piece, ya know? -10-
dang..I feel like moving...hehehehaha!!!:)Bethy
Beautiful...*10* and a fav for me...:)Bethy
Ha ha. Not EVEN in the least. Pity me, I spend 23 hours a day speaking the most stupid imaginable language. For example, this poem in street Arabic would go something like:
Thinking a lot, she remembers it a lot,
the notion of lot-itude
past the possibility you are together,
then you think,
and at the end, you say.
You move by funny thought that
something so nice
will disappoint you a lot,
she pours one more glass,
moves the gun,
and . . .
I'll consider your suggestions. Except that the sex be tender. I don't think it's a very tender poem at all.
I'm wondering, did the pocket-philosophy (each moment a thing is new and discrete from the thing it was a moment before, so you can leave anything,) come across? Not that I believe it, I just thought it was an interesting thing for my narrator to say.
Not to drag this on any further, but I think that, as a general rule, an image you've carried through a poem shouldn't suddenly become a metaphor at the end without you expecting people to carry the metaphor back through the poem.
And, for the last time saying this, I don't think it works suddenly having one angel/man be different from the others. Oh well, maybe sometime I'll get around to writing it the way I would write it instead of telling you how to do it.
I don't know why I brought the Bible in. I guess I thought that's where angels live.
Really? I just kind of figured tenterhooks are what people who are on tenterhooks are hung on.
Looking it up, I find a tenterhook is "A hooked nail for securing cloth on a tenter." I don't know what that means.
An atheist is one who professes without proof that there is no God. Of course I'm not really an atheist, as Dovina should know if she weren't so worried that I'm trying to pants her.
I'd say belief/faith is "thinking something is true despite proof to the contrary." In my sense of the word, thinking that the Big Bang happened or gravity will cause my pants to fall down if I leave them unbuckled is not belief/faith. God IS beliefaith. Of course, this is all rot because God-believers will say they see proof of God in a sunset or a newborn baby's smile. But then, believers say a lot of other slightly silly things like, um, "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" or "untennable".
The reason I'm rambling on about this is, well, sorry, but I don't understand a lot of the rest of your comment. Sure if you have infinite potential you can make God exist, but what makes infinite potential exist? In at least 3 out of 10 people, a combination of silliness and laziness, I'd say.
Arogant Dink...oh I like that, Dovina...lol...
O Kee Doe Kee...smoooth legs,a dress, and a drink...hmmmmm maybe I'll bump into Mr.Lucky...lol :) Bethy
Oh Yeah...:) :)...my way of saying..HA HA...Cheers!!