Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	zodiac 212.118.19.68	17-Nov-05/5:29 AM
In short: I am saving my energy by leaving feedback like this. I've never thought anyone referencing Billy Corgan was trying to be intelligent, much less that he was intelligent. The point, I'm genuinely sorry to say, was almost entirely my own amusement, but you should have gotten a picture of going a little too far in the direction of ambiguity, goth, and grammarlessness.
Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:26 AM
What i was going to say was: You'd have to be a fool, do you still do either graphic design or illustration? If so do you have a website?
Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:25 AM
You'd have to fool, do you still do either graphic design or illustration.
Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	17-Nov-05/5:23 AM
I majored in graphic design and illustration. Poetry is just a hobby I've had for about 15 yrs. I mean who majors in poetry anyway?
Re: Submission by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:23 AM
Interesting for a poem to go as deep into cybernetics as Lisp programming. The arguement is well put, however the flow has been sacrificed for this (in comparison to your previous work). Also I find that the computing terms you use are not particularly colorful (being computing terms) especially in comparison to some of the more heart ridden moments; putting across a better argument; but a less welcoming poem.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	zodiac 212.118.19.68	17-Nov-05/5:19 AM
I've come off badly here. Let me start again: I find this poem neither very evocative nor very original. Nor particularly meaningful. Considering that it seems written to be strong visually or evocatively (and not necessarily meaningful) I'll stick with that. Eminations, vortices, tunnels and such are so often repeated these days that they're practically meaningless to me. Besides, not having actually traveled through a vortex to a tunnel's vertex or however it goes, I've got nothing to connect this with my experience. Phrases like a "haze of brightness" pull their punches, going for a standard or vague formulation rather than working to evoke an actual image or impression. Vortex and ripples are repeated in the poem's second half to even less effect, and I wonder why. I liked the inked index finger, the theatre trolley, and the last line, but I found those parts overwhelmed by parts saying things I've heard a million times before and better. I especially don't like "mana from the sky", which, in addition to jarring with the poem's other imagery, is misspelled. Regarding spelling and punctuation: There's simply no point in ignoring or going slack on basic rules of English. Even the best poem needs all the help it can get, and it hurts your poem's standing in EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S EYES, POETRY SNOB OR NOT, to come across bad spelling and grammar. There's no basis for using punctuation ONLY for pauses, even in 17th and 18th c. poetry, which is what you're thinking of. That's not semantic, anyway. There's no such thing as continuous verse. You've made that term up. Don't require your reader to do more work and expect him to like it. Seriously. Authorly tidbits like "take it for what it is" very rarely go over, even when they come from real authors. Incidentally, there are things here that should cause someone difficulty reading - at least inasmuch as your reader has to see "mana" and think "okay, he means manna". Regarding the rest of your comment: I'm not teenage. I feel most of this came across in my first, admittedly cynical message. I highly doubt you'll welcome this feedback, or even read it this far. Do not suggest I lack imagination or ability as far as reading your poem goes. Thanks. Have a nice day.
Re: After Fighting (More Blood Edit) by zodiac	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:15 AM
The short lived but sweet taste of revenge, well put.
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	17-Nov-05/5:15 AM
Now I've just got to see that movie again.
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	17-Nov-05/5:14 AM
Yes. Um Dovina if you're reading this don't be mad. He's comparing you to a beautiful woman with huge lovely natural breasts. I could not describe a perfect woman better.
Re: There is a journey tree by ALChemy	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:10 AM
Much as we have been arguing on my work, I thought it reasonable to have a look at some of yours and put a few damming comments down there; however, I am pleasantly surprised by the flow and imagery, each word is simple, yet their combination is elegant and shows shapely structure. Underated, with a message delivered well in the last two lines.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	17-Nov-05/5:08 AM
Just hit the red x to delete it. Stop burning bridges. Sometimes people just need to get a feel for what you're trying to do in your poem. As an artist I under stand how frustrating it is when people don't get what you're trying to do. So they just tell you the truth about what they got from the poem. Be patient you're new, they'll catch on.
Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/5:02 AM
In all seriousness, what constitutes your background in poetry and creativity?
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	zodiac 212.118.19.68	17-Nov-05/4:59 AM
A1: No, I just meant, oh like it's a big accomplishment showing that I assumed something. Big rip. DOVINA: Exactly. Big rip. ZODIAC: So why have you spent the last ten comments trying to "prove" it? DOVINA: That's just what I always do. ZODIAC: Exactly. And I appreciate how you stopped being a very realistic version of yourself about three imaginary comments ago. DOVINA: Why thank you. Did I mention you're looking good today? ZODIAC: You have now. A2: Could God be anything less than totally cool? No. By definition.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	17-Nov-05/4:57 AM
I totally understand what you mean D. This comment of yours was a total waste of time.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/4:56 AM
Please say, were at the end, before you leave any more of that dreadful story on my pages.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/4:56 AM
All right, All right, I submit. This argument was vastly more interesting and preferable to this commentry, and people who leave comments such as "nice write".
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	zodiac 212.118.19.68	17-Nov-05/4:54 AM
To AlChemy: See?
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	zodiac 212.118.19.68	17-Nov-05/4:53 AM
The more I think about it, the more I think The Rapture is the point where Dovina and I converge. And just imagine me as David "Recently-abandoned-his-Harvard-PhD-for-acting" Duchovny and Dovina as Mimi "Customer-service-call-center-drone" Rogers cruising the furniture showrooms of the internet for willing swingers. I love it. I'd love to ask her what she thinks of the movie, but I'm pretty sure the preceding has made her scared to watch it. Watch.
Re: a comment on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/3:10 AM
Are we at an end of the match?
Re: a comment on Haven by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	17-Nov-05/3:08 AM
Its not an everyday request, but go on....