ALChemy
on Prejudice and Racism by TLRufener
20 Nov 2005, 7:20 AM
If there was a black kid on the island maybe Piggy would have stood a chance.
My my you grow like a coral reef
And I will always want to cut me feet
Reminds me of back home in PA. This is good solid descriptive poetry.
I like the juxtaposition of the metalic terms with the forest setting. I wish there were a few more of them to maintain that contrast and add even more depth.
I see some tendencies in your work to focus on evoking the emotion through elaborate description, which is great, don't get me wrong but I'm left wondering what other styles you might have in your arsonal. Poems can also make us think and/or rethink ideas of something and poems can also tell you a good story. I mean if this is your thing and you'd rather focus on it, well that's fine. I just think your capabilities are much wider than this.
I also am guessing alot of these poems were written timewise in close proximity to one another because many of the descriptions and metaphors you use recur in your other poems. That happens to me whenever I write alot of poems in a short timespan.
Nah, it was me.
Do not the burning embers dwindle
in the light of their own lives?
(and yet)
the oldest flames may still rekindle.
This is how love survives.
Line 1 and 8 contradict each other.
Say "I shall be" and then "shall I be" out loud 3 times each. I bet "shall I be" is a little easier to say, huh? It also bounces off the following "for she" better.
Use words we don't hear all the time like "hearth".(bonus points if you can think of a word (not name) that rhymes with "hearth".)
When writing about someone you love say something obscure or secretive like "I still taste the mandarins of our youth"
I think I must of deleted the piece that you declared as being hard to rank, since it was from LaLa Land. I think you rated it 5 and argued with zodiac till he rated it 10 to negate your 5.
No, but the only other people who seem to comment on this site are Alchemy and Dovina, so there weren't many oppurtunities between the arguements.
I don't know, all is seem to get from allpoetry is:
"Wow! Awesome imagery, liked the line..."
"Nice Write"
"Wow! Deep ......."
I am slightly confused here as to whether this is about retiring with someone or fire walking, or doing fire walking for someone... I cant believe somebody rated this a zero though. More clarity would have scored ayou a higher vote from me.
A very good suggestion at that. I'd never come across that word before and it also would go in vein with the hint of narcotics that I was trying to add there. Its downside is that it takes out the rhyme from marks in the bark which speeds up the pace at that point. But I think I may use your suggestion and also bring the narcotic theme out a bit.
PS-The best (and perhaps only dignified) way to show you don't care about an argument but ARE capable of completing it is to write the whole thing out in funny dialogue form. Your response to this is going to be that you don't care to do things the best way. Your response to that is going to be that parroting back my predictions is some kind of cleverness.
This part of the conversation has had nothing to do with beliefs, strongly held or otherwise. However, you are disqualified from many subjects due to your strongly held beliefs.
DOVINA: Ay, dios! He's assuming I have beliefs. He has a belief about my having beliefs!
ZODIAC: You just assumed I had beliefs about your beliefs. Twice.
DOVINA: I could stand up now if I tried, but I choose not to try.
ZODIAC: Would you try telling me how I came by my so-called beliefs?
You dummy. By declaring that I would declare myself the winner, you're declaring yourself the winner. I win.
Saying "trump" is not positing a response. It is only trumping.
The rest of this comment is your typical madness. To wit:
DOVINA: I particularly don't believe in assuming beliefs in others when they have not clearly stated blah blah blah
ZODIAC: I don't do that.
DOVINA: I never said you did. I was commenting generally.
ZODIAC: But you're assuming beliefs. About me.
DOVINA: Trump. I'm "wily".
I have Twains story of The garden of Eden in my computer somewhere.
In my teen years.
Maybe I did not say it clearly enough. I ton't particularly enjoy trumping anyone. Spastics can be intelligent, and/or heartwarmingly integral, and might be able to fly a plane if it had voice controls. I thought we had covered that before.
Trumping is not necessarily counter-intellectual. It can be arogant, but not always. It is not beneath me, I just don't usually enjoy it. I thought all this was clear. What is it you're saying again?
Maybe I did not say it clearly enough. I ton't particularly enjoy trumping anyone. Spastics can be intelligent, and/or heartwarmingly integral, and might be able to fly a plane if it had voice controls. I thought we had covered that before.
Trumping is not necessarily counter-intellectual. It can be arogant, but not always. It is not beneath me, I just don't usually enjoy it. I thought all this was clear. What is it you're saying again?
'Integrity is something a person does with the appearance of thoughtful conversation, wouldn't you say?'
No, I wouldn't say. Spastics are incapable of the 'appearance of thoughtful conversation,' yet many of them are the most heartwarmingly 'integral' people I know. This has nothing to do with whether or not trumping is counter-intellectual, and everything to do with the fact that while you think it's arrogant and beneath you, you continue to trump in the first derivative. Integrate your way out of that one, spazmo.
I think you're missing some history here. You see, zodiac likes to trump; I really don't care to. The two proposed arguments here, if carried along past courses, would end with him trumping, by simply declaring himself the winner. I just didn't want to do that again, not that I don't enjoy his antics, but it's getting a bit much.
Integrity is something a person does with the appearance of thoughtful conversation, wouldn't you say? For example I could ask you if a spastic should be allowed to fly a plane. If you say yes, citing the high mental abilities of some spastics, I could trump with the common usage of the word spastic to mean dimtard. On the other hand if you say no, then I could cite the abilities of spastics. In either case I would shine with integrity and you would look dumb.