Re: A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez	drnick 24.176.22.254	13-Feb-06/8:29 PM
Simple, but so are those who concieve war. I can dig it.
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.104	13-Feb-06/8:26 PM
"Thou shalt not wizz on the electric fence" is found in no code of morality that I know of. Speaking the mind of a real person writing such codes, with whom I have no personal affiliation or anatomy conducive to experimentation in the act, I would certainly not stamp my great influence on a command having its own built-in punishment for sin.
Re: a comment on a waste of time by hendrimike	drnick 24.176.22.254	13-Feb-06/8:23 PM
hahaha
Re: a waste of time by hendrimike	drnick 24.176.22.254	13-Feb-06/8:23 PM
I agree with what everyone said: you didn't really make a profound statement here. Yet, I still enjoyed this, there are some good lines: i went to get educated what i got was self pulsated on rooftops with a city view margueritas, beers, and guitars I'm not sure how you could improve this without completely reworking it.
Re: Twenty-Some Years and Five Countries Away by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	13-Feb-06/8:17 PM
Well...I didn't spend more time on this one, however I think it's still better than what I've been doing.
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	13-Feb-06/8:08 PM
Don't wizz on the electric fence - Ren & Stimpy
Re: Valentine by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	13-Feb-06/8:06 PM
You've surprised me with your choice of subject. Speaking the mind of a real person you have no personal affiliation with? Dovina certainly has stamped her great influence on us all. "imagines the future like a train bearing down fast." is a great line.
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.104	13-Feb-06/7:25 PM
Morality rises from immorality - Dovina
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	zodiac 209.193.9.236	13-Feb-06/6:35 PM
The highest form of morality is not to feel at home in one's own home. - Theodor Adorno
Re: a comment on Valentine by zodiac	zodiac 209.193.9.236	13-Feb-06/6:30 PM
I DID have some idea at the start that the poem was going to have something other to do with Valentine's than the date. But there are so many obstacles: for one, I drank two beers writing this, a first for me and definite no-no; for another, Valentine's Day wasn't even a holiday then, as far as I can tell, so nix on him referencing it. The truth is simply that I would like to relate it to Valentine's somehow. (This is the first of two planned parts, the second being about Cook dying in Hawaii, which also happened in Feb 14.) The easiest way I see to go about it is that Frank's the valentine to the Irish, the offering that reveals nothing. That's kind of where I see the guts-offering part going, but like I said, I was a little buzzed by that point. Any suggestions?
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.104	13-Feb-06/6:11 PM
The deer is caught offguard by headlights that are fearful and confusing. But really they complacently shine as directed and are in themselves no threat. Maybe I'm way off, but I think it's a nice image.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	god'swife 71.103.98.44	13-Feb-06/5:47 PM
Discribe complacent headlights vs. disgruntled, rude or inconsiderate headlights.
Re: Valentine by zodiac	god'swife 71.103.98.44	13-Feb-06/5:40 PM
At this point the parentheticals make for a better title. I like the idea of Frank's refusal being a kind of valentine to his killers, if that's what you're after. At this point the text doesn't have that implication. The imaging is right on; criminal, brutally seductive. I love the girl in front of her mirror. There are few things sexier then the simple act of a young women brushing out her hair. And if she's beautiful there's little she wouldn't do for a good mirror. the sawdust/chicken feed analogy is terrific. i can't say why but i rather 'my lapels' be 'the lapels'. why is 'behind' at the end of line 17 instead of the beginning of line 18? Also 'myself's a loss'. Why didn't you say 'I'm a loss'? '... just such uniforms...' killer assonance. 10 for that alone. but when the truth comes... vs. 'but when the truth comes out...' Why'd you choose the latter & not the former? 'And already wandering I' is a good example of a writer documenting his thoughts instead of translating them. It took three readings befor i understood the implication. Once I got it I really liked it. 'But I have killed myself, like all men do' is the message here, in my opinion, and it's just too hidden within the text. i think it would make a strong ending. It's the line that has the most echo.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.104	13-Feb-06/5:17 PM
Did you consider the five "poems" posted just prior, and decide even a drunken driver off an 8% corkscrew with a set of doubles parked outside can do better on five minutes of kiosk time? The "deer" analogy starts off well, and I wish you'd drove in on through. But when the road is not on the map and then gets wordily into "It is something to negotiate, well, I says, "deer have pretty good sense." And is "my" really needed that often? I'm no Gimmy-driver, but I'm trying to visualize brake lights in mirrors. "Trees flicking my antenna" is deer-like and descriptive though. "Splitting hairs and splitting gears" is good. Consider the deer, don't be queer. Yeah, I'm doin' no better.
Re: a comment on A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez	Glasseyez 71.2.60.98	13-Feb-06/4:53 PM
lots of fun you tons definately forced "the blues may be forced", I know I probably need to find other words for these maybe touch the whole thing up when I have the time
Re: stellar by ThePariahDog	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Feb-06/4:34 PM
In an odd sort of way I really like this...
Re: caught amist by LaasChijld	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Feb-06/4:33 PM
Second line of the last stanza doesn't make sense, a couple of spelling errors but other than that a very respectable effort.
Re: A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Feb-06/4:29 PM
Lines 17-20 = awesome. The rest is good but a little untidy; the rhymes are sometimes forced and grammar could be better, having said that however, I did enjoy reading this and look forward to reading any edits of it.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Feb-06/4:24 PM
All throughout that poem I could hear a distant horn; a ghost of one of your lost kin maybe, or so I thought. Turned out it was my brother playing GTA3 in the next room.
Re: a comment on The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Feb-06/3:33 PM
Well this whole piece is supposed to be about trying to write a piece of literature through use of metaphor but it not quite working - hence the slightly disjointed imagery here. The idea is that the lady in this poem is an allegory of the poem, but I am using imagery and metaphor to describe her (and therefore, indirectly, the poem). She's an idol in the sense of the narrator being absolutely obsessed with describing her; but adulterous because so many descriptions have been used by many other people before. And so on. Too pretentious perhaps? Any suggestions will be gratefully received.