Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	god'swife 71.103.96.234	29-Mar-06/11:25 AM
Which poems look like hellacious dumps? I wouldn't write a screenplay if my life dependent on it. Now a stage play well that's an entirely different matter. Ah! The Thee-a-tur! In fact I'm working on a play in three acts about a sniveling redneck who fancies himself a 19th century literary genius. In the First Act our antihero receives some local success on the community access channel, but only because the students at the local university have made it a tradition to gather at a dive bar and watch the hilarity that is "Poetic Alchemy" tun-tuhta-duh with your talented and irrepressible host Billy -The Alchemist- McDugal!!! In the Second Act poor Billy's 1986 Buick Skylark breaks down just as his latest triumph is about to air. He hurries into the nearest bar afraid he'll miss Camille Saint-Saëns' Dance Macabre, which he choose after much diliberation, as the overture for his program. At first Billy is thrilled to find the telly already tuned in. No one at the bar recognizes Billy without his black satin cape with the red velvet lining and his floppy hat, so they berate the program, as is customary, and take turns immitating the oaf while reading really bad poetry. The student who wrote the worst poem or most like the poems bellowed out by Billy,(which is actually redundant come to think of it)wins a free pitcher of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Billy is crushed. Act Three: Billy returns to his apartment building, which looks pitifully like a public storage warehouse. It actually was a public storage warehouse, but it was confiscated and converted into low rent apartments after a police raid which uncovered the largest meth lab in the entire state. Billy finds a message on his answering machine from a crank caller threating to murder him if he butchers the English language any further. Unfortunately, or fortunately,( I'll leave that up to the audience)he doesn't take the threat seriously and erases the message. The following week, on his way home from an appearance at the Happy Meadows retirement home, he is kidnapped. They find him hung by his cape over the side of a bridge. There is a suicide poem pinned to the front of his puffy shirt written in Billy's antiquated style. "Oh poor daft looney, he must have finally realized how talentless he was and jumped, how ironically poetic", the chorus exclaims. The actors shake their heads but no one sheds a single tear. Not even the police care enough to investigate further. The End.
Re: Kristi's Quiescence by matt door	Garrett S Sexton 86.142.147.68	29-Mar-06/11:12 AM
A poem to last?
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/9:09 AM
I really want to write something for my nephew too but I haven't found the right metaphor yet. I think their will be one more for my niece to follow "Sunlighting" and this one. It'll be a tweelogy.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/8:15 AM
) <close paren> Ah well, you'll have to wait a few hours to call my niece poem "precious"--I got ahead of myself. ;)
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/8:09 AM
Oh, I forgot to say--it's the "laughter's wine" line that, most of all, prompted "twee" from me. So, yeah.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/8:08 AM
Nah, I'm just pretentious. Like Madonna, I'm fluent in "Mockney." I write twee poems about my niece all the time, e.g.: My pink girl, cat-lick clean and shining, you smell of icing and tears, the warm press of you heavy, heart-hand, heart-bloom. Oh, crap, now in the interests of "twee" neice poems, I'm going to go post my "skiing with niece" poem that I can't seem to fix to my satisfaction. Also, I've got nothing else done and I'm helpless in the face of "User Can Post New Poetry." Please be sure to comment that it's twee (or an even more awful word, like "precious."
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/7:59 AM
Well, she(my niece aka morning girl) is after all only six years old. I actually think the wine line is too adult. I'm thinking maybe "laughter's chimes" instead. It was written pretty much on the spot. "Twee"? Ranger's englishness must be rubbing off on you.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/7:17 AM
Comes off a little twee, Al, rather than tender.
Re: Kristi's Quiescence by matt door	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/7:15 AM
Not bad, but it seems too familiar, done.
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	29-Mar-06/7:13 AM
Good idea, but it's a little dull--Poor Richard's without the wit. The Danish cartoon reference is disconnected and a little silly.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/6:35 AM
I'm thinking of changing the ending to "Let this child smile again." Do you think that might sound even better?
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/6:30 AM
Your point is narrow minded. It's like saying all new music that isn't in a new wave form or doesn't talk about cellphones and internet must suck.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/6:09 AM
Which of your poems are pretentious? Why the one's that resemble hellacious dumps of course. Lemme guess, you're a screen writer for John Hughes films.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/5:57 AM
I do.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Mar-06/5:55 AM
The whole poem is about romanticizing things to be more than they really are. If you could see past your upturned nose you'd realize that the style echoes what the speaker is saying. By the way, what is the new poetry movement? Last time I checked there hasn't been anything revolutionary in poetry since the beat poets. Maybe we should all just follow your lead. Do you have any poems here that are innovative and unique?
Re: a comment on My First Hangover by mindsigns	mindsigns 63.100.108.19	29-Mar-06/1:11 AM
Nick at night-ish, I agree, so how else would you want to write a poem about long urinal excretion, gin hangovers and diarrhea...in the style of James Joyce maybe??? Or maybe Nietzsche?? I think a 7th grade style fits perfectly with these "fart joke" type of lyrics. So i guess I'm taking your comments as a complimient, Thanks!
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Mar-06/9:09 PM
Which of my poems is pretentious? You are easily bored. Lemme guess, you work at some tourist trap where you dress up as Lord Byron and "write poetry" for anyone with 5 bucks, $7.50 if they want a polaroid with you.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Mar-06/8:53 PM
Where in this poem are those words located? My point is not that people should stop writing about love, my point is that new poetry should be written in a style that reflects the present. Alchemy is who he is now. The feelings he writes about are felt in this era not in another. To contrive some sort of sappy flourish in style comes off as completely insincere, false, stuffy and pompous. There are quite a few lines that on there own wouldn't create an alien atmosphere. But one after another after another is heavy handed. The reader reads to connect with the author. A thoughtful writer will mirror the times he lives in not abandon it.
Re: a comment on Time Thief by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Mar-06/7:43 PM
Are you one of those guys who move fast and make lots of mistakes?
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	matt door 65.32.138.73	28-Mar-06/7:42 PM
Parts of this are fairly good - other parts - really suck quite frankly. Keep posting, because you have talent, this piece just lacks it for the most part. Sorry.