Re: A Fool's Errand by ALChemy	Dovina 12.72.34.87	9-Apr-06/3:21 PM
"Bleed . . . for levity" is funny in the way that laughing at myself is funny. And the search for information about God is rather like a donkey chasing a carrot. Good.
Re: a comment on The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	9-Apr-06/2:28 PM
I'm just saying that it's one thing to say we have no or very little concrete evidence that God exists and another to say well God just doesn't exist. Occam's Razor isn't really an argument against God's existence it's just an argument against making unjustifiable assumptions. There is a possibility that God exists, even more likely if he exists in a form beyond our comprehension. I like the idea of that. The idea that we aren't just here by accident and that things have a reason for being. Show me where science can truly answer the question "Why are we here?" and I'll eat YOUR hat. George Carlin had the best non-god answer: To make plastic. My only idea of what God is, is that God's the most satisfying answer to why are we here. Forget about all the collected myths around God, I'm talking about the basic concept of a being that might have created us and/or our universe. There may be a completely different set of physical laws in which that being might exist. I'm just saying what you think is imposible now me be child's play in the future. Don't be like the guy that said man will never fly and totally rule out the chance of God existing and I'll try not to preach any of my myths on people. p.s. Yes I did read it. I just thought you'd find the magic bus line humorous. I've been dying to see Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic, haven't you?
Re: The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	cyan9 213.208.113.137	9-Apr-06/2:10 PM
I am curious to see whether making verses 2-5 rhyme in a plodding, marching kind of way would add to the piece
Re: a comment on Random Design by thepinkbunnyofdoom	cyan9 213.208.113.137	9-Apr-06/2:03 PM
I would second this. Your lyrics 'Guilt Trip' are one of the two poems that are on my favourites list, what it has that this piece doesn't is that each verse stems straight from the same emotion and states consecutive parts from the same story. It comes across as though you learn a few different lessons here from different events, and there are really a few shorter poems sandwiched together that could be focused upon.
Re: a comment on The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.201	9-Apr-06/1:53 PM
Theory #1 ISN'T much of a theory. That's why it's a GOOD theory. It just says, this appears to have happened. A corollary to #1 should be: Of course, that's just how we think the universe started (ie, from nothing), but we could totally be wrong on that. It's like this: Say my socks are missing. (A) Something occured which caused my socks to not be where I left them, though I could be mistaken about where I think I left them. (B) Ghosts exist and, in addition to haunting people and seeking justice for their wrongful deaths and occasionally just wanting to send loving messages to their mourning loved ones, they also steal socks, because ghosts are masters and guardians of all socks, with ectoplasmic properties that allow them to physically manipulate socklike materials. Obviously, (B) is more interesting, it attempts to explain more things, and it's more personally gratifying, but out of the two theories, which assumes the least? Which introduces the fewest new concepts? Besides that, (A) allows (B) to possibly be true, while (B) does not allow (A) to be true. Advantage: (A), unless you're just looking to "spice things up," which is why I said so to Dovina. PS-Did you click on the Wikipedia link? It cogently presents the magic/faith argument against applying Occam to God.
Re: a comment on The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	9-Apr-06/1:38 PM
Yes, she does seem to have gotten that backwards, But why give her such an upsetting "gift"? #1 isn't really much of a theory. Some unknown entity of whatever allowed the universe to appear from nothing. #2 is God allowed the universe to appear from nothing. Now that's more of a theory. #1 is basically saying I don't know. Arguing against God's existence is as silly as arguing for God's existence. We don't know and probably never will. Your guess is he doesn't, my guess is he does. We're both just guessing. To assert anything more would be a load of crap. Believe it or not you can only ride the science bus for so far and then it runs out of gas. God's bus is powered by magic.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	zodiac 209.193.18.201	9-Apr-06/1:03 PM
I did. I don't see how capitalizing a word throws off the rhythm. A reader who reads a capitalized word differently is ignorant and unworthy of your poem.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 172.195.8.186	9-Apr-06/12:57 PM
Maybe you should have read my previous comment when I explained why I didn't.
Re: Feelings for a Lost Love by denisebar2006	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 84.66.23.150	9-Apr-06/12:40 PM
Memories of a Lost Love by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. August 2002 ----------------------- It's three years since I bid her goodbye. She adored me, and so her did I. Life then was bliss, Though I surely won't miss The taste of her skank cherry pie.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	zodiac 209.193.18.201	9-Apr-06/12:26 PM
For what it's worth, you need to capitalize Furies'.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 172.195.8.186	9-Apr-06/12:19 PM
Oh, get off your high horse, you're losing oxygen to the head.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	zodiac 209.193.18.201	9-Apr-06/11:19 AM
I don't know what's worse, you explaining The Furies, or the fact that nobody knew about them.
Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 172.190.170.211	9-Apr-06/9:52 AM
The Furies were mythical Greek goddesses who were basically the original "Avengers." I thought capitalization would throw off the rhythm a bit. I hope this unfries your brain a bit. I think knowing this helps interpretation of the poem a lot.
Re: a comment on Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:48 AM
I'd already said about my work hours...I must be losing the plot...
Re: a comment on Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:46 AM
Fast-lane? Not for me right now. I'm working nights at my friendly local supermarket to pay for uni, so my time is divided loyally between sleep and work. And I slept really poorly today (it's 5.38 in the afternoon, I've been up for hours whereas I wouldn't normally wake till 6 or 7) so I look and feel like shite. But I console myself with the knowledge that it's only temporary and the work really isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be. Writing will be an unknown joy for me as well in the next couple of days, my brain can just about cope with reading the 'sell-by' dates on stuff, no more. I know what you mean about school, half my lectures are completely uninspiring at the moment and I should be essaying like a maniac but I'm really not interested. Next year will be different.
Re: a comment on Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:39 AM
Yes, angst does feature. It was tempting to label it as a Pimple, but I think I controlled the language enough to stave off that fate. In my opinion, there is no sentiment that shouldn't be written about in poetry, as long as it's written well. I hope she does like it. I rarely manage to write fitting tributes.
Re: A Salute to Vile by MacFrantic	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:36 AM
Love the fragmentary form of this, as usual your imagery and description is bold and still demands a lot of work from the reader to interpret this. Dovina's guess sounds as good as anything I could muster up, but to be honest I actually enjoyed reading this without trying to find a meaning.
Re: Random Design by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:33 AM
Aha, theeasterbunnyofdoom strikes again! There's some good stuff in here, although as Dovina said, it does lack cohesion. I wasn't sure if that was intentional though, given the title. If it is, all I can suggest is being a little more vivid with the imagery. If each stanza is more or less a standalone section, they need to have plenty of colour to give them some sort of individuality and character. The first line set the standard for that, but the rest mostly didn't live up to the imagery. I wasn't sure about stanza 3, it seems a little overused, although the 'journeying companions' could be used to save it. There are a few grammatical glitches, but I'm tired and will let someone else pick them. This comment probably sounds like I didn't enjoy the poem; I actually did, but I think that with an edit or two it will be far more striking.
Re: James The Dashing Pirate(Rewrite) by Luzr	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:26 AM
Great words, I felt as though the metaphor could be taken further; I don't see quite enough of the swashbuckling, buccaneering nature, hunting for treasure and adventure. And although the Casanova line is good, I didn't think it managed to fit well with the pirate theme. Aside from that, well written and enjoyable!
Re: Or Outward by MacFrantic	Ranger 86.131.55.210	9-Apr-06/9:20 AM
"furies'", is this "fury's" or are furies a type of creature? That's the only grammatical crit I have with this, it reads well and, yes, is vague but it really did leave me desperate to find a meaning to it. It feels as though there is a message, or something like that, hidden just beneath the words. In all honesty, the whole thing sounds like it's a code or a series of anagrams for something. I'll have to return to this if I'm going to find a meaning. My brain is fried right now.