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James The Dashing Pirate(Rewrite) (Free verse) by Luzr He is simple and unique,
relentlessly cunning.
An epic adventure
packed into a coloring book.
Rated R
for language and explicit content
Daringly devoted,
to making a smile cross your lips
An arrogant aside,
beautifully stunning.
With a smart baby blues
they call him
the one night casanova
Champagne
for the price of beer
Heads become heels,
his heels become gold
waltzing through conversations
A simple melody, catchy and quick.
With great depth, and hidden perceptions.
Up the ladder:
The burden of faith
Down the ladder:
Capricorn Falls
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: April 7, 2006 9:26 PM PDT; Last modified: April 7, 2006 9:26 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7761 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 17.255.240.6
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8-Apr-06/11:52 AM
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Reply
Some good descriptive language. But to make it compelling it needs a stting and specific story or event, otherwise it kind of sies there without life.
You could improve this poem by voting yourself a bunch of tens.
Or I could be patient, let others read it, hear some good advice, and not behave like a child when the "Mature" Adults say something I don't like. Arguing online is like being in the special olympics, even if you win, your still a retard.
Maybe that's why he calls me an idiot, having slid a notch from moron status.
Yawn.
Yawn.
Great words, I felt as though the metaphor could be taken further; I don't see quite enough of the swashbuckling, buccaneering nature, hunting for treasure and adventure. And although the Casanova line is good, I didn't think it managed to fit well with the pirate theme.
Aside from that, well written and enjoyable! 176 view(s)
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