James The Dashing Pirate(Rewrite)

Member since 2003 · Posted 7 Apr 2006 · 7 comments

He is simple and unique, relentlessly cunning. An epic adventure packed into a coloring book. Rated R for language and explicit content Daringly devoted, to making a smile cross your lips An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning. With a smart baby blues they call him the one night casanova Champagne for the price of beer Heads become heels, his heels become gold waltzing through conversations A simple melody, catchy and quick. With great depth, and hidden perceptions.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7751 views 176 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

7 comments

[6] Dovina 8-Apr-06/11:52 AM Reply

Some good descriptive language. But to make it compelling it needs a stting and specific story or event, otherwise it kind of sies there without life.

[6] zodiac 8-Apr-06/11:56 AM Reply

You could improve this poem by voting yourself a bunch of tens.

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › zodiac 8-Apr-06/1:55 PM Reply

Or I could be patient, let others read it, hear some good advice, and not behave like a child when the "Mature" Adults say something I don't like. Arguing online is like being in the special olympics, even if you win, your still a retard.

[6] Dovina › thepinkbunnyofdoom 8-Apr-06/4:59 PM Reply

Maybe that's why he calls me an idiot, having slid a notch from moron status.

[6] zodiac › Dovina 8-Apr-06/5:03 PM Reply

Yawn.

[6] zodiac › thepinkbunnyofdoom 8-Apr-06/5:03 PM Reply

Yawn.

[8] Ranger 9-Apr-06/9:26 AM Reply

Great words, I felt as though the metaphor could be taken further; I don't see quite enough of the swashbuckling, buccaneering nature, hunting for treasure and adventure. And although the Casanova line is good, I didn't think it managed to fit well with the pirate theme.
Aside from that, well written and enjoyable!